Ah, summer. The most glorious of the seasons, it brings with it such gifts of life-affirming joy: occasional sunshine, slightly warmer rain and a raft of marginally amended, exorbitantly priced soccer jerseys for us to spend our hard-earned Shekels on. Away Shirts, Third Shirts, 83rd Anniversary of the Repainting of the Home Locker Room Commemorative Shirts: no matter how many of your club’s jerseys you might already have, there’s always a new design to tempt the weak-willed (that’s you and us, baby) into parting with more cash.
So, in recognition of the recent release of the EPL's new kits, The18 has assembled seven of the most sartorially reckless jerseys ever to grace a football pitch. Enjoy.
2014-15 Deportivo Lugo Fourth and Goalkeeper Jerseys
Let’s start with a bang, shall we? Supposedly in recognition of the region’s favourite gastronomic delicacies, Spanish Segunda Division side Deportivo Lugo has produced two special edition jerseys: one depicting a glass of beer and the other an octopus. That Deportivo is sponsored by Estrella Galicia – a beer company – had absolutely nothing to do with the creative process.
Deportivo Lugo Home/Away Jerseys (Photo: @CDLU_store | Twitter)
2013-14 La Hoya Lorca Away Jersey
Deportivo Lugo weren’t quite as original with their beer and octopus motif as they may have claimed: Spanish Segunda Division B side La Hoya Lorca sprouted (sorry) this broccoli-themed beauty the season before in recognition of Murcia’s agriculture industry.
Lorca Away Jersey on the right (Photo: GiveMeSport.com)
1978 Colorado Caribous Home Jersey
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your eyes don’t deceive you: those are indeed tassels. Tassels! The long-defunct Colorado Caribous modelled these specimens back in 1978, presumably accompanied with Stetsons and chaps. It’s as-yet unconfirmed whether or not the tassels were made from real bits of caribou (so you know it's good). One hopes not, obviously.
Colorado Rapids players wearing the vintage jerseys (Photo: Garrett Ellwood | Colorado Rapids)
2014-15 Deportiva Leonesa Away Jersey
Spain’s Segunda Division really is the league that keeps on giving. Originally intended to be worn solely during pre-season, reaction to Deportiva Leonesa’s tuxedo shirt has been so over-whelming they’ve decided to wear it for the rest of the year. Rafa Benitez won’t be buying one, presumably.
Deportiva Leonesa's Away Jersey (Photo: FootballKitNews.com)
1995-96 Manchester United Away Jersey
By no means the most offensive jersey ever worn, Manchester United’s grey away kit from 1995-96 makes this list for its seemingly kryptonite powers of debilitation. The Red Devils wore the uniform for only five games, losing four and drawing one. It met an early death when, 3-0 down to Southampton at half time, Alex Ferguson instructed his players to change jerseys, claiming afterwards that they made it “difficult to see teammates at distance”.
1992-93 Hull City Tigers Home Jersey
Perhaps the least glamorous team currently playing in the English Premier League, Hull City sought to jazz up their image somewhat in the early ‘90s by wearing tiger print jerseys. See what they’ve done there? They’re nickname is The Tigers, so they’ve dressed up as tigers, representing their ferociousness and, err, mediocrity.
The famous Hull City tiger jersey (Photo: EMPICS Sport)
Pretty Much Any Jersey Worn By Jorge Campos
Goalkeepers are often the target of jersey designers’ wrath, routinely forced into wearing attire ranging from abstract to psychotic. The monstrosities sported by Jorge Campos, however, were actually designed by the Mexican ‘keeper himself. One can only assume he deliberately selected the seemingly random collection of brilliant neon hues to burn the retinas of oncoming strikers. If anyone can propose another rational explanation, we’d like to hear it.
Jorge Campos different jerseys (Photo: TheShinGuardian)
Now that you've seen the worst, maybe you'd like to check out some gear that's a little more refined in nature.
