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This Club’s Training Drills Must’ve Been Created By A 5-Year-Old

By David Moore October 22, 2020
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Carlisle United’s next opponents know they’re screwed if they challenge the Cumbrians to fish soccer.
@officialcufc | Twitter

If I had a nickel for every time I wrote about fish soccer I would have ten cents, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice. I tip my hat to any readers who understand that reference.

Obscure nods to TV shows aside, I once again bring you the joys of fish soccer. This time around the humans are pretending to be slippery salmons seeking scoring success. Carlisle United, in England’s League Two, must have a child orchestrating the team’s recovery sessions. The players engaged in the most ridiculous “recovery” exercise I have ever seen.

It all began with an intense game of crab soccer.

The Brachyura games soon descended down an echelon into pure fishy chaos. Besides the fun muscles in the brain, I am quite curious as to how this exercise benefits players.

My criticisms of Carlisle’s competence and conventions come from a place of deep-rooted jealously. I wish I had been ordered to do this drill during my youth soccer days. To any coaches reading this, I highly recommended implementing fish soccer into your garrison of training exercises.

Carlisle’s next opponent is mid-table Grimsby Town on Saturday. If I was a player for Grimsby Town, I would be urinating myself out of pure fear when the Cumbrians flop out onto the field like fish.

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