England

The Only American Bagging Goals In Europe Gives Us Reason To Watch The USMNT

Age 21, standing at 6-4 and hailing from Muskego, Wisconsin, you probably think you know the USMNT’s latest salvation at the forward position, Andrija Novakovich. You’ve probably sketched a mental outline of a big, blundering center forward with an affinity for Milwaukee’s Best, but we mustn’t forget that Harry Kane was similarly written off for being a chubby, traveling salesman-looking version of Butt-head. 

If The Rumors Are True, This English Phenom Could Soon Usurp Christian Pulisic At Dortmund

It never ends, this churning of prodigious soccer talent at Borussia Dortmund. One minute you’re the Magic Johnson of footballers, the next some 17-year-old Londoner is vigorously nutmegging you to no end in every training session. That, apparently, is the situation facing Christian Pulisic with the emergence of younger-than-thou Jadon Sancho at Dortmund.

The Fortnite Craze Has Infiltrated The World Of Professional Soccer To Hilarious Effect

You been playing Fortnite? That’s pretty original of you to be doing that. I too tried my hand at the ridiculously popular co-op sandbox survival game and got my ass kicked, although it’s the friends we meet along the way that help us appreciate the journey. 

I met some good friends who I no longer speak to.

Anyway, there are two soccer pitches inside the Fortnite map (one of the outdoor variety, one of the indoor), and you can even kick a ball around while scoring triggers a little bit of CenturyLink Field-esque pyrotechnics. 

Floyd Mayweather Talks Newcastle Takeover And Luring Cristiano Ronaldo To Tyneside

In an absurd twist of events with zero foundation in practicality, Floyd Mayweather was recently asked by British tabloid the Sunday Daily Star whether he’d ever consider investing in an English football club, and, given the fact that Mike Ashley publicly put Newcastle United up for sale last year, what about the Tyneside-based team in particular?

Mo Salah Drops Miguel Britos Like Lionel Messi Dropped Jerome Boateng

Liverpool crushed Watford 5-0 on Saturday with Mohamed Salah leading the way with four goals and an assist for the Reds. Salah’s goals brought him to the top of the charts in both the Premier League and European Golden Boot races with 28 domestic strikes.

It’s ridiculously absurd, but Salah is now averaging MORE than a goal per game in the Premier League. On average, it’s taking the Egyptian only 85 minutes per goal in the EPL — a statistic that’s frankly implausible. 

It’s Official: England Will Lose The World Cup Because Of VAR

FIFA officially approved the use of video assistant referees at this summer’s World Cup during a FIFA Council meeting on Friday in Bogota, Colombia. After testing the system out at last year’s Confederations Cup, World Cup VAR is sure to annoy all the England fans who like to complain about not having anything to complain about. 

Boring, Boring Man United As The Reds Go Marching Out, Out, Out

On Tuesday, Manchester United were scraped off the Champions League roster the same way a disgruntled toddler tosses away an old, broken toy: with no remorse. The toy, like the Red Devils, deserved it. The toddler, you wonder? Jose Mourinho.

England Institutes Partial Boycott Of World Cup; Could Other Countries Follow?

United Kingdom Prime Minister Theresa May announced a sort of England World Cup boycott on Wednesday, confirming no British royal family or government ministers will be in Russia for the 2018 World Cup this summer. 

The partial England World Cup boycott comes after the attempted murder of former spy Sergei Skripal, who was poisoned recently in England. British authorities have said the attack was “highly likely” to have been committed by Russia. U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, before Donald Trump fired him via tweet, concurred. 

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