English Clubs

*Warning to readers with even a shred of dignity: do not read any further if you are offended by any and/or all references to Steven Gerrard's penis. Thank you.

Chapter six of Steven Gerrard's new book, "My Story," starts like this:

"The magic of the FA Cup was ruined the day my penis was bloodied and then stitched shut on an unromantic night in Bournemouth."

Radamel Falcao is not one of the elite scorers in world soccer anymore. In less than two years, he went from being one of the most feared strikers to, when healthy, just another scrub on the Manchester United and Chelsea benches.

For several months, Falcao has exhibited a low level of football and an impressive goal drought, a far cry from the player who scored 70 goals in 91 games with Atletico Madrid between 2011 and 2013.

Manchester United have been having problems at striker, with their only three options being possibly-over-the-hill Wayne Rooney, midfielder Marouane Felaini and 18-year-old Anthony Martial. That's why it seemed to many an unwise decision when they sold 27-year-old Mexican striker Chicharito Hernandez to Bayer Leverkusen during the transfer window.

Hernandez has been on fire for Leverkusen, scoring eight goals in his last six games, propmting one prominent Manchester United player, goalkeeper David de Gea, to question the decision to sell Chicharito.

There are two certainties right now in the world of football:

#1: Louis Van Gaal and Manchester United could really use some consistent goal-scoring right about now.

#2: Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez is on fire.

If you look closely enough at Hernandez during one of his now frequent goal celebrations, you’ll see there’s a glint in his eye. You know that glint that says: “stuff it, Louis Van Gaal!”

Vlad Dragomir arrived at Arsenal in June, signed from ACS Poli Timisoara in Romania for £71,000 ($107,000). The 16-year-old Arsenal phenom was largely an unknown at the time, a central midfielder who liked to get forward on the ball and whom Wenger thought had a bright future. The only other thing we could tell was that young Vlad was a fan of posting copious selfies to his Instagram account (to be fair, what 16-year-old isn't).

Even after Chelsea’s dramatic 2-1 win over Dynamo Kiev in the UEFA Champions League group stage, rumors continue to swirl over the future of manager Jose Mourinho, who, after winning the league last season with Chelsea, should theoretically be the safest of Premier League managers. 

The Confederation of African Football player of the year award shortlist has been released ahead of the award ceremony on January 7, 2016. The full list can be seen below in alphabetical order.