Europe

Alex Morgan and Lyon relied on their 2-0 first leg victory in Germany to advance to the Champions League semifinals after Wolfsburg won the return leg 1-0. The 2-1 aggregate victory sees them take on the winner of tomorrow’s match between Carli Lloyd’s Manchester City and Fortuna Hjorring. 

The best thing about first division football matches is they take place in gigantic stadiums with excellent security, which means that it is much more difficult for a footballer to go into the locker room and retrieve a knife and threaten a fan with it.

Yes, that is the best thing. You see, in the lower divisions there is far less security and therefore a far greater chance of a footballer menacing a spectator with a knife.

It’s been said that hands and the likeliness of an infant are two of the most difficult undertakings in the artistic world. For hands, it is a question of naturalness — even in reality, especially during photographs, we struggle to know what to do with our cursed hands. For the infant, it is the difficulty in portraying youthful exuberance. Wander through an art gallery and you’ll find many children whose faces look no different from their elders, it is only their size that differentiates them.

Today marks a historic day in football as Francesco Totti made his Roma debut against Brescia on March 28, 1993. Over the following 24 years, Totti has appeared in 612 league games and scored 250 goals. 

He’ll forever be remembered for leading Roma to their first Serie A title since 1982-83 in 2001, and the now 40-year-old is still going strong with two league goals from 11 matches this campaign.

Former Real Madrid captain Raul Gonzalez Blanco, known as Raul, looks to have outraged Los Blancos supporters once again after an interview with Catalan-based newspaper Sport. When asked if he could see himself working for any club other than Madrid, including Barcelona, his response was “I like to take things step by step. The first thing is to go back home, which is to Real Madrid, when the moment is right.

The Icelandic baby boom is here, y'all. Thanks, we presume, to the effectiveness of the long throw and the inadequacy of the England National Team, a hospital in Iceland reportedly gave out a record number of epidurals to pregnant women during the weekend of March 25 and 26.

This weekend marked nine months after Iceland's historic victory over the Three Lions, and now we know how the people of Iceland celebrated.

I bet there were strategically-timed viking claps.

The two most successful international matches in Andorra's recent history were a 0-0 draw with Finland in 2005 and a 0-0 draw with the Faroe Islands Saturday. In between, they lost 58 games in a row.

Andorra's population is roughly 80,000, and the stadium in which the Faroe Islands match was played, the Esatdi Nacional, holds just over 3,000.

Here are some highlights from the Faroe Islands match. I don't know why I'm showing them to you, or why you would want to watch them, but here they are.

There are a few positions which you can get away with playing a 17-year-old in a high-level soccer game: winger, for instance, or even fullback. Center back, however, is a different story. Center back relies almost entirely on guile and experience. This is why players tend to move back there as they age and cannot run like a midfielder anymore.