Humor

To steal a phrase from the Colbert Report: New Philadelphia Union mascot Phang: great soccer mascot or greatest soccer mascot?

Let’s rewind a bit.

I'm not a physician, but I feel like I don’t need a medical doctorate to diagnose Cristiano Ronaldo with a rather serious allergy to shirts and clothing in general. In the most recent ad campaign to promote his CR7 Underwear, the Juventus man proved yet again that he and the rest of the world are really better off when he's stripped down to his skivvies.

Italy is famous for a few things. The country boasts some of the world’s most fascinating and important historical sites, high quality shopping and the best food. Like really, really amazing food. The cuisine is not only a reason for tourists to flock to Italy, but it also apparently has a major pull on top footballers who wish to ply their trade in the land of good eats. Just check out the Kevin Prince-Boateng pasta love.

Brazil plays the second match of its post-World Cup tour on Tuesday after recording a solid 2-0 win over the USMNT in New Jersey last Friday. The Seleção will be looking to turn on the style against El Salvador — ranked 72nd in the FIFA World Rankings — at FedExField in Landover, Maryland after encountering an organized American side that was anchored by the stellar play of center back Matt Miazga.

37-year-old Stoke City striker Peter Crouch has further cemented his reputation as a cult icon (owing largely to his gangly, 6-7 frame on the pitch) in recent times due to his standing as one of the most entertaining footballers on Twitter.

If you’ve ever wondered how a Donald Trump presidency would really affect America, just look no further than the Las Vegas Lights cash drop on Saturday night at Cashman Field in Las Vegas.

In a scene straight out of the Hunger Games, the Las Vegas Lights, a USL team, dropped $5,000 in cash from a helicopter onto eager fans pocketing as many Washingtons, Hamiltons and even a few Benjamins on Saturday. 

Mascots — the oversized, creepy creatures controlled by people who can’t possibly have great relationships with their mothers — are widespread in American sports. But a lot of people wonder: do soccer teams have mascots?

For better or worse, they do. 

Soccer mascots range from the weird to the cute, but they’re always weird. Did we mention they’re weird? 

When Carlos Saguier was announced as head coach of Paraguayan second division side Club Sporting 2 de Mayo back in July, he probably knew he was consigning himself to what Dick Advocaat called “the loneliest job in the world” — that of the football manager. 

If you follow college football, you’ve probably heard of 37-year-old University of Minnesota head coach P.J. Fleck. He rose to prominence at Western Michigan after leading the unfancied program to a 13-1 record in 2016 and a trip to the Cotton Bowl, but it was his approach to coaching (hyper energy, hyper millennial-approved, hyper “elite”) that won him both fans and detractors in equal measure.

Former USMNT midfielder Stu Holden took a break from pulling double duty with Fox Sports and B/R Live to focus on daddy duty, taking his daughter, Kennady, to Disneyland on Thursday. 

The former Houston Dynamo and Bolton Wanderers player decided to do a little cosplaying, dressing up as Elsa from Frozen (I assume; I’m the only one who hasn’t actually seen the movie). Kennady dressed up as well. 

Both looked absolutely stunning.

Only one was told to take off the dress.