Manchester United

Zlatan hasn't scored many goals lately, but the ones he has scored have been special. The Manchester United striker scored the 25,000th goal in Premier League history in a 3-1 win against Swansea Sunday.

Here's Premier League goal number 25,000:

I AM ZLATAN!! The star striker doubles @ManUtd's lead with a brilliant goal. https://t.co/90bRLep0gR

Manchester United, it's fair to say, has not had the greatest season so far. Jose Mourinho's men currently reside in the foggy depths of sixth place in the Premier League table. To put that in perspective, they're even with Everton and three points above Watford.

To make matters worse, there has been a litany of issues for United in the past few weeks. A frustrating loss to Fenerbache in midweek has left United in third in their Europa League group and Mourinho's squad is facing a mini injury crisis.

What’s your opinion on Bob Bradley? Was he hired at Swansea City only as a beneficiary of American ownership? Is he talented but doomed to oversee the relegation of a Premier League side that thinks continuously selling its top talent equals stability? 

Stop thinking. I’ll tell you what to think of him: he’s a genius. He’s a genius because Bradley, according to the BBC, is targeting 35-year-old existentialist Dimitar Berbatov.

The sharp decline in Jose Mourinho’s career over the last 12 months is undeniable. As a measure of his drop-off, consider the following: In the Portuguese’s first 130 games as a Premier League manager, he lost just a dozen times. It’s taken him just 25 further matches to double that tally.

If you're a Bastian Schweinsteiger fan, please don't get your hopes up.

The German is back in Manchester United training, ending his strange exile from the first team. This doesn't mean he's going to play in a game any time soon, in fact some have speculated that Jose Mourinho is just letting Schweinsteiger train with the first team so he's fit when United try to sell him in January, which is sort of like the "fattening him up to eat him" of the footballing world.

The post-Sir Alex Ferguson era has hit an all-time low point with the team’s play becoming so boring that it's putting their fans to sleep, sparking a new demand for mattresses and pillows.

There was a strange moment in the EFL Cup fourth round match between Manchester United and Manchester City during the half-time break. The first half had passed largely without incident save for a Kelechi Iheanacho header that the young Nigerian got completely wrong. Zlatan Ibrahimovic had a wretched opening 45 minutes, but the half-time punditry, as it so often does this season, gradually shifted to Paul Pogba. 

During the commercial intermission, we were treated to this beautiful Adidas commercial concerning the world’s most expensive player: 

Marouane Fellaini needs to be dropped. For a player whose job is to link defense and attack, he is one of the most unreliable middlemen in the game. The only consistency you get from the afroed Belgian is a world class chest trap and an imposing-yet-bumbling aerial presence.