Manchester United

Marcus Rashford Waited 13.8 Billion Years Before Firing Home Winner For Man U

Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford saw the entire history of the universe pass by as he waited to take his chance against Bournemouth on Saturday. 

When Paul Pogba danced around on the left wing to send in a cross to Rashford in the 92nd minute, the universe had yet to be created. 

As Rashford sized up the cross and hung in the air, the Big Bang exploded the universe into being and gravity, strong, weak and electromagnetic interactions hadn’t even formed 13.8 billion years ago.

Paul Pogba’s Hilariously Bad Half-Volley Is Now The Stuff Of Legend

First things first, I did not watch Manchester United vs. Everton today — I was watching El Clásico. So I’m not in a position to say anything about Paul Pogba’s performance in the 2-1 win, and I don’t want to come off sounding like Pogba-hater-extraordinaire Graeme Souness. 

David De Gea Repeatedly Denies Cristiano Ronaldo Goal On Old Trafford Return

When Cristiano Ronaldo last went up against David de Gea, the Portuguese striker put three past the Spanish keeper in a virtuoso performance during the 2018 World Cup this summer. The Ronaldo vs de Gea matchup went in the opposite direction on Tuesday, with the latter making some impressive saves to deny the former.

Ronaldo Sets Up Juve’s Opening Goal Less Than 20 Minutes Into Return To Old Trafford

Cristiano Ronaldo was full of flicks and tricks early on in his first visit to Old Trafford since joining Juventus. He made Ashley Young look silly with an early move and even had an admirer invade the pitch  to see him (though he was tackled before he reached the former Manchester United winger.

Then Ronaldo made an actual imprint on the game, setting up Juventus’ first goal in the 17th minute.

Wayne Rooney’s Brace Inspires D.C. To Playoff-Clinching Win Over NYC FC

The ridiculous transformation that D.C. United’s experienced since the arrival of Wayne Rooney reached a fitting conclusion today with a 3-1 victory over New York City FC and a berth in the 2018 MLS Cup Playoffs. Rooney scored twice for United and strike partner Luciano Acosta was also on the scoresheet before David Villa struck a late consolation goal on a celebratory day at Audi Field.

Chelsea-Man U Dissolves Into Hysterical Childishness In 97th Minute

We should be used to this by now, but for some reason it still comes as a surprise.

Another big match involving Jose Mourinho became all about the Portuguese manager, despite an enthralling Chelsea-Manchester United match in the first 96 minutes on Saturday at Stamford Bridge. 

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