This is a public service announcement for journalists covering press conferences in which Zlatan Ibrahimovic happens to be speaking, especially journalists whom Zlatan Ibrahimovic doesn't particularly like: maybe don't ask Zlatan questions that will make him turn into a fire-breathing Swedish monster, throwing insults around like he's at the roast of Donald Trump or something.
Despite his status as one of the most celebrated young players in the world, Chelsea's Eden Hazard still fights his own mental demons.
In a recent interview with Sport / Foot Magazine, Hazard opened up about what he sees as the difference between him and modern day legends of the game like Messi and Ronaldo:
He was going through yet more hardship at Manchester United after struggling last season at Real Madrid. It seemed like de ja vu, only worse, because of the simple fact that he was back to square one, regressing. At Real Madrid he at least took one step forward by virtue of leaving Manchester United for a bigger club, which made his struggles understandable and eventual success more respectable. Struggling back at United made it seem like he had lost everything he had gained at the end of his stint at Madrid.
Wayne Rooney had a bad game against Swansea this weekend, and Manchester United lost 2-1.
Rooney has been much maligned this season, and, aside from a hat-trick against Club Brugge in a Champions League qualifier, hasn't done much of anything on the field.
He has, however, made one of Swansea's mascots' days infinitely better. It's hard to hate on Rooney when he inspires this type of reaction from children.
Face it, you will probably never have this reaction to anything in your life.
While Wayne Rooney was not exactly having the game of his life in Swansea, his family was in Barcelona on holiday. Rooney's son Kai got to take a break from the usual crew at Manchester United and hang out with a different collection of footballers than normal, the likes of Neymar, Messi, Suarez and Gerard Pique.
Jose "Joey Bats" Bautista is a big deal to Major League Baseball fans, but Lionel Messi is a big deal to Jose Bautista.
At a recent Toronto Blue Jays practice, Bautista swapped his Blue Jays jersey for a fan's Messi Barcelona jersey, then practiced with the Messi jersey on.
Just in case you forgot how good James Rodriguez is, here's a little reminder.
The baby-faced Colombian attacking mid scored two golazos against Real Betis this weekend.
The first was an absurdly-angled free kick that bent just around the outstretched fingertips of Betis's keeper.
The second was an overhead kick that must be seen to believe.
Keep up the good work, James.
The Madrid Museum of Wax has a statue of Cristiano Ronaldo in it. That in itself is not so weird. Cristiano is one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, and happens to play for a team in Madrid.
Cristiano saw his statue at the museum. This, too, is not so weird. If there existed a statue of us somewhere, we would likely venture to see it.
He liked the statue. Still not weird. Statues in and of themselves are essentially compliments and should be taken as such.
He liked that statue so much he commissioned one just like it to be put in his house.
It's here.
The Zlomecoming.
When Malmo FF made the Champions League group stage, Zlatan Ibrahimovic congratulated the Swedish team, his first professional club, and said he would like to experience the Champions League at Malmo some day.
That day might be here sooner than even Zlatan could have predicted. The Champions League draw was held Thursday, and Zlatan's Paris Saint-Germain were drawn in Group A. Malmo were also drawn in Group A.
Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez is moving to Germany. The Mexican striker never really clicked with manager Louis van Gaal at Manchester United, being sent on loan to Real Madrid last season, and is now headed on a permanent transfer to Bayer Leverkusen in the Bundesliga.
Chicharito's ghastly performance against Brugge likely proved to be the last straw, as far as the Red Devils were concerned.