MLS

The printer is a mysterious creature with a mind of its own. Often magnanimous in its ability to create documents and dole out copies, a printer can quickly turn against its owner and decide to pretend there’s a paper jam when there is no jam because damnit I looked all through the thing and there’s no jam and there’s not even any paper anywhere nearby and just work please oh please just work.

In an effort to protect the interests of official league provider adidas, MLS issued a $1,250 fine to New England Revolution striker Kei Kamara yesterday for visibly wearing TRUsox, an unapproved piece of kit. This would’ve passed unnoticed but Kamara took to Twitter to denounce the sanction, citing, among other things, the fact that faces of the league like Michael Bradley and Jozy Altidore also wear the socks without receiving a similar fine. 

Welcome back, MLS. We didn’t really miss you, but we’re glad you’re back.

After taking a two-week break for the start of the Gold Cup (but resuming before the end of the Gold Cup, because, you know, CONCACAF), MLS returned with a bang on Wednesday. 

But, since most MLS fans were probably watching Team USA on Wednesday instead, here’s a rundown of the night’s action, which included six pretty good matches and then a drab 0-0 draw between Minnesota and Houston. 

The process for selecting the 24-man MLS All-Star roster means that there’s always going to be some massive snubs. That just comes with the territory of allowing fans to vote for nearly 50% of the squad. It’s not worth getting too upset over. After all, it’s the fans that’ll actually pay to watch the glorified friendly between the All-Stars and Real Madrid on August 2 in Chicago.

On Monday, Romelu Lukaku showed the world that he can still do goals by doing one against Real Salt Lake, but the real story of the night was the raring, caged animal that is Jose Mourinho. The Mind Games Master was exquisite during and after the match, foretelling of a season that will either end with him winning the treble or getting sacked by December. There are no other logical outcomes.

Before the friendly between the LA Galaxy and Manchester United Sunday, Galaxy mascot Cozmo pulled a little joke on United during warm-ups, displaying a sign that said "IT'S CALLED SOCCER" to the Red Devils.

I cannot tell you - it is literally impossible to convey - how much this photo means to me. pic.twitter.com/5t1uKCPbbx

— Will Parchman (@WillParchman) July 16, 2017