Neymar Jr.

Thank you @StatsBomb. Thank you, thank you. When it comes to statistics, dribbles, key passes and xG tell us some, but they don’t tell us enough — namely, (Ronaldinho, Ronaldinho on the wall) who is the filthiest of them all?

But thanks to StatsBomb.com, we can now discern which footballer earns his keep in a metaphorical pigsty, living amongst the grime and fetid squalor like Jack London in “The People of the Abyss.” 

Neymar may be one of the best footballers in the world, but he’s not the best Teqball player. At least, he wasn’t the best Teqball player on this particular beach in Brazil.

With PSG and Ligue 1 on winter break, Neymar escaped France and returned to Brazil to spend time in the warmth of friends, family and sunny beaches. While chilling on the coast, Neymar played with Natalia Guitler in a game of Teqball, a game he’s quite familiar with.

Let’s be honest, divers ruin a lot of what’s great about soccer. Flops slow the game down, they win undeserved free kicks and generally just create more annoyance than enjoyment.

But sometimes, the diver’s acting is so unbelievably poor that the dive itself becomes a work of art. Usually, it’s some of the best players in the world that are doing the diving, which seems counterintuitive.

No one likes a flopper — it’s one of the few things on which all football fans can agree.

You might begrudgingly appreciate when a flopper earns your team a penalty kick or understand that the nature of the high-stakes game encourages players to do whatever it takes to gain an advantage, but no one actually likes a flopper.

So when we recently discovered something called the Floppotron, we were intrigued.