England

Darren Bent, former England international and Tottenham Hotspur forward, is a proper forward’s forward. The 32-year-old has scored over 200 goals in his career, and he doesn’t faff about around the net. So when the football made its way to him on his own goal line, he did what Tommy Smyth is apparently talking about when he says put a bulge in the old onion bag. 

He bulged that bag with a left-footed slice that had Lionel Messi beaming from ear to ear. That’s how you use your left, son! Get in! 

Leeds United striker Souleymane Doukara will probably win some awards for this goal, and if he does they will be deserved.

We will break down Doukara's goal using the tactical acumen and soccer insights only we here at The18 possess. Here goes:

Souleymane Doukara's goal for #LUFC last night was measured at a speed of 62mph, reaching the net in 0.8 seconds  pic.twitter.com/LHRAFroASH

Last week, British magazine Coach published what they contended was an exclusive interview with Lionel Messi, in which the Barcelona star supposedly said he would like to stay at Barcelona.

It turns out they published nothing of the sort.

The "interview" has been taken down and replaced with this message:

It's unclear what Aston Villa chairman Dr. Tony Xia is a doctor of, but we think it might be math.

Xia, whose Twitter account is wildly entertaining and filled with optimistic projections for the future of his club (currently 13th in the Championship, but don't worry, Dr. Tony is on it), has been spouting off math problems in relation to the January transfer window lately.

DeAndre Yedlin put in his best performance of the season on Saturday as Newcastle United thrashed Rotherham to go top of the EFL Championship. Yedlin registered two assists in the 4-0 victory, and he’s fast becoming a consistent game changer on the right-hand side of defense for the Magpies.

Ryan Mason’s club, Hull City, have confirmed that the midfielder is in stable condition and has been speaking at the hospital after fracturing his skull against Chelsea on Sunday.

Mason underwent surgery after a gruesome clash of heads with Chelsea’s Gary Cahill. Cahill was deemed fit to continue for Chelsea, but Mason was stretchered off while receiving oxygen to a standing ovation from Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge supporters.

Sunday’s Premier League encounter between Arsenal and Burnley at the Emirates featured damn near everything. With Liverpool, Tottenham, Manchester City and Manchester United all failing to win on Saturday, it was up to the Gunners to keep the pressure on league leaders Chelsea.