The Portland Timbers Twitter account has won the internet. Everyone else can delete all their social media apps from their phones because there won’t be anything better on there ever.
After Netflix tried to be fun with a leading question seeking clever innuendo, the @TimbersFC admin came up with the best (worst?) reply of them all.
We have two DP slots open.
— Portland Timbers (@TimbersFC) December 6, 2019
Two stats stood out ahead of today’s Premier League match between Sheffield and Newcastle United at Bramall Lane: (1) Andy Carroll was handed his first Newcastle start in almost nine years and (2) Martin Dúbravka was busy making his 65th straight EPL appearance for the Toon, a run which began directly following his move from Sparta Prague back in January of 2018.
Both players played massive roles in Newcastle’s bizarre 2-0 victory.
Imagine you’re in Edinson Cavani’s shoes this morning, strolling around the streets outside the Bernabéu in search of that precious, caffeine-rich mate before tonight’s big Champions League encounter with Real Madrid.
You’re not in the best spirits. You’ve missed a good portion of the season through injury, and in your absence, that goddamn Mauro Icardi has scored 10 goals in 11 games to take your job. Now everyone wants to offer Icardi a permanent contract and is totally fine with yours expiring in the summer!
Most Major League Soccer teams have been busy negotiating contracts and striking deals across the league . . . but not D.C. United.
Instead, this MLS original has decided to assign every MLS team a type of candy, and well, it's pretty amusing.
Here are some of the best:
Argentina’s 1-0 friendly victory over Brazil on Friday — thanks to Lionel Messi’s goal in the 13th minute — created quite the conversation on Twitter. From Messi telling Brazil manager Tite to shut up after he believed Messi should’ve been given a yellow card to penalty misses from both Gabriel Jesus and Messi, it was quite an entertaining match.
In the 1885-86 Scottish Cup, Arbroath defeated Bon Accord 36-0. In the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup, the USWNT beat Thailand 13-0. In the 2019 NCAA Women's College Cup, Stanford beat Prairie View A&M 15-0. Throughout the course of history, the trend of scoring an excessive amount of goals has continued to receive backlash from all levels.
We've seen some absurdly bad penalty kicks over the years, but we now have a new GOAT for worst spot kick ever.
In a goalkeeper vs. goalkeeper PK, Nuneaton Borough's Tony Breeden took a shot which missed high. Breeden did, however, shine the light on his power by absolutely drilling it.
Missed the penalty...and broke the light
Did you ever wear your shirt untucked, look at yourself in the mirror and scream: “GOOD GOD, WHY IS THIS UNTUCKED LENGTH SO UNBECOMING ON MY PERSON?!” I never did that either, but then UNTUCKit came along and introduced the thought into my head.
The casual men’s clothing company now has 80+ stores across the U.S. and Canada and entered the NFL Hall of Fame in 2019 after airing a commercial starring Drew Brees dragging the "NOLA No-Call.”
Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola has escaped any sanctions from the Football Association for turning himself into the Meme Lord during Sunday’s 3-1 defeat to Liverpool.
The worst part about Vlatko Andonovski’s new-look USWNT is probably the absence of right back Kelley O’Hara. There’s nothing Andonovski could do to change that — O’Hara is still dealing with an ankle injury that forced her to miss a significant portion of the NWSL season.
So the Utah Royals defender is currently continuing her recovery in Washington, D.C., where her partner lives. Last we saw of O’Hara, she was chugging Budweiser in Paris…