Highlights

Jurgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola are like siblings. Guardiola is the studious, artsy older brother. He likes Legos. He builds entire carefully-constructed cities on the living room floor. They are intricate and delicate. Klopp is the younger brother. He is a toddler. He is wearing a cape and a saucepan on his head for a helmet. He wants some Cheez-Its.To get his Cheez-Its, Klopp runs through the middle of the living room and tramples Guardiola's Lego City. At least, that's what happened on Sunday.

Harry Kane became Tottenham Hotspur’s all-time leading Premier League goal scorer on Saturday, scoring two second-half goals to pass Teddy Sheringham in the team’s record book. But in many parts of the world, the Harry Kane goal record in a 4-0 win over Everton took a back seat to the stunning events that took place in Hawaii on Saturday morning.

As the first half of the Tottenham vs. Everton match came to a close, those watching in Hawaii had their mornings ruined by reports of an incoming missile launch. 

Abdoulaye Doucouré is one cheeky fella. The Watford midfielder took advantage of some poor refereeing and some poor decision-making from the English FA to help earn his team a point with a 2-2 draw. You see, the 90th-minute Doucoure goal vs Southampton was scored with the Frenchman’s hand. 

Yes, it’s still illegal to use your hands if you’re not the goalie. And no, England hasn’t joined the rest of the civilized world by adopting VAR. So yeah, the goal stood, and Southampton is rightly livid. 

Could this be the end of Zinedine Zidane as Real Madrid coach? In just over two years, Zizou has won two Champions Leagues, two Club World Cups, two UEFA Super Cups, one La Liga title and one Spanish Super Cup. But a home defeat to Villarreal on Saturday could spell the end of the end of Zidane’s tenure. 

You might’ve forgotten about Ousmane Dembele following his 20-game layoff due to a thigh muscle rupture, and that’s OK. Really, missing that many games accounts for roughly 20 percent of the kid's career so far. 

Philippe Coutinho was in the stands, but the only two players Barcelona needed against Celta Vigo Thursday were Lionel Messi and Jordi Alba. Meet me once Barcelona go up 3-0.

Messi’s first of the day: A wicked left-footed volley (via @beINSPORTSUSA) pic.twitter.com/cbzse7Y8bV

FC Porto defeated Moreirense 2-1 in the Taca de Portugal (the country’s premier knockout competition) with Mexico internationals Hector Herrera and Miguel Layun providing the goals. Porto haven’t won the Cup since 2011, but they’ll now play fierce rivals Sporting CP in a Dragões vs Leões semifinal. 

Herrera scored the game’s opening goal in the eighth minute after a fine run from Tiquinho. The midfielder applied the finish with a lovely dink over the keeper. 

Paris Saint-Germain paid Barcelona a bajillion dollars for Neymar. But how much is Nike paying for this Neymar celebration? 

Neymar clearly is a Nike man. This much was made clear when he celebrated a goal Wednesday by placing his boot on his head and dancing around for all to see. 

Valencia eased into the Copa del Rey quarterfinals with a 4-0 victory over Las Palmas at the Mestalla on Tuesday, the Cup match playing out entirely like La Liga’s third-place side going up against the club in 20th. Valencia’s Luciano Vietto, who’s on loan at Los Che from Atletico Madrid, scored an amazing hat-trick of ever-increasing quality to lead the way.

The 24-year-old Argentinian gave Valencia a 1-0 advantage (2-1 on aggregate) in the 30th minute with a side-footed finish on the rebound after Simone Zaza’s header was miraculously saved by Raul Lizoain.