Highlights

This Is What Happens When You Smack Talk Lionel Messi

In order to talk smack, don’t you have to back it up? Goalkeeper Diego Alves failed to do so on Saturday in Valencia’s last-second loss to Barcelona:

When it comes to penalties, Diego Lopez is one of the best. Of the last 35 penalties he's faced, Alves has saved a staggering 17 of them; so he has good reason to be a little cocky. Two years ago, he even smack talked Cristiano Ronaldo before saving his penalty to end their title run.

This USL Cup Goal Will Make You Question Everything You Know About Everything

There is not much we can say about this goal that isn't going to sound like we plagiarized it from True Detective, so you're just going to have to watch it.

Carlos Vela Scores, Is Quietly Having A Pretty Good Season

If Carlos Vela keeps playing the way he's been playing, Juan Carlos Osorio is going to have a lot to think about come November.

The Mexican striker scored the third goal in Real Sociedad's 3-0 win against Alaves with a slick finish.

Vela has three league goals so far this season for Sociedad.

Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus

Christian Pulisic Scores Late Equalizer For Dortmund Because AMERICA

On Saturday American Christian Pulisic entered Borussia Dortmund's match against Ingolstadt as a sub and

OOOOOHHHHHH SAY CAN YOU SEE

And, um, he scored! He scored a goal! The equalizer in fact!

BY THE DAWN"S EARLY LIGHT

Down 3-2 in extra time, Pulisic pounced on a rebound like Landon Donovan in the 2010 World Cup, not that we are suggesting anything.

WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAILED

Pulisic also assisted Adrian Ramos's goal to make it 3-2.

AT THE TWILIGHT'S LAST GLEAMING

Lynn Williams Scores 49 Seconds Into USWNT Debut

Lynn Williams made her USWNT debut in a friendly against Switzerland earlier this week, coming on as a substitute at halftime.

Forty nine seconds later, Lynn Williams scored her first USWNT goal.

Not bad.

Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus

There’s Something Horribly Wrong With Bayern Utility Man Joshua Kimmich

Joshua Kimmich, like Jon Snow before him, knows nothing. Pep Guardiola’s beloved bastard son was allotted action in 23 Bundesliga matches last season, tallying zero goals. His adept displays in defensive roles for Bayern led Guardiola to claim that “he’s perhaps one of the best center backs in the world”.

With One Flick He Destroyed His Marker And Unlocked The Entire Defense

Michael Ohana is a 21-year-old forward who’s played in the Israeli Premier League since he was a teenager. He’s gone on trial with Liverpool and recently transferred from F.C. Ashdod to Hapoel Be’er Sheva, one of the bigger clubs in Israel.

He’s an incredibly promising talent who’s represented the Israeli national team up to the U-21 level. Over the weekend, Hapoel defeated Maccabi Petach-Tikva 5-0, and Ohana scored a worldy. 

Errors Cost Celtic In Loss To Borussia Monchengladbach

Celtic central defender Kolo Toure, The18's 2015 Player of the Year, has boatloads of good experience in big matches. Unfortunately, that is not how it worked out against Borussia Monchengladbach.

Liverpool fans and Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers, who was at Anfield at the time, will remember when Toure had a similar howler against West Brom in February 2014, which snatched a 1-1 draw from the jaws of victory--and may have helped cost the Reds the EPL title that season.

Manchester City Could Have Hung With Barcelona If They Didn't Keep Doing Dumb Stuff

Manchester City learned just how costly making mistakes against Barcelona can be. Especially early on, City's pressing looked like it was really bothering Barcelona's makeshift defense. Then Manchester City made one mistake, then another, then the game was basically over.

Messi opened the scoring when Fernandinho slipped and the rest of City's defense just kind of stood there and looked at each other.

Peak Arsenal Continue To Roll After Alexis Sanchez Wonder Goal

Ludogorets Razgrad travelled to London to face Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium, and no one believed the side from Bulgaria would emerge with a result. Even English pubs forsook trying to entice patrons as there was simply nothing to see here.

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