Humor

Mueller Report Confirms: Lionel Messi Very Good At The Soccer

The day has finally come. After a multi-year investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, the special counsel’s report has finally been made public. Our diligent reporters at The18 have combed through the PDF files like Unai Emery looking for a weakness in Chelsea’s defense and have come up with our own Mueller report findings.

Friendly Fire: Substitute Has Eye Gouged By Teammate He’s Replacing

A substitution — unless you’re John Terry and organizing yourself a guard of honor — should be pretty straightforward. Up goes the number of the player coming off, off he goes and on comes the substitute. That’s all there is to it. No need for fuss.

Burnley Player Booked For Kissing Opponent

The English commentator summed up the Ashley Barnes yellow card perfectly:

“The game has gone completely when you’re booked for kissing,” he said.

Barnes, a Burnley forward with double-digit Premier League goals this season, went into referee Mike Dean’s book just before halftime in a 2-0 win over relegation-threatened Cardiff City on Saturday. 

The incident followed Cardiff’s Joe Bennett tugging Barnes down from behind, a clear yellow card.

But in addition to booking Bennett, Dean showed Ashley Barnes yellow after the two momentarily clashed head to head. 

The Ronaldo’s Rendition Of Carpool Karaoke (Ft. Georgina Rodriguez And Cristiano Jr.)

Cristiano Ronaldo recently showed that he's not just a world-class footballer, but he also has a set of pipes. Well, kind of.

Riding around in his Rolls Royce, the King of Football, his girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez and son Cristiano Jr. did their own version of Carpool Karaoke.

Watch: Heroic Szczesny Prevents Mandzukic From Murdering Milan’s Piatek

Juventus overcame an early goal from Krysztof Piatek to beat AC Milan 2-1 on Saturday, another victory on the easy road to yet another Scudetto. But the match could have ended poorly for both sides were it not for some heroics from Bianconeri keeper Wojciech Szczesny.

Szczesny, the former Arsenal goalie, let his national allegiances guide his heart during an incident between Juve teammate Mario Mandzukic and Poland teammate Piatek. Mandzukic had murder in his eyes when Szczesny stepped in to prevent the Piatek family line from being discontinued.

Coconut Thrown Onto Pitch During Edinburgh Derby Prompts Questions About European And African Swallows

The Edinburgh Derby, the fierce rivalry between Hearts of Midlothian and Hibernian, saw its 645th edition played on Saturday at Tynecastle Stadium, home of Hearts.

The match didn’t quite have the fireworks of their meeting in November, which saw an assistant referee assaulted, a coach hit by a coin and a goalkeeper punched by a fan.

But there was a coconut.

10 Old School MLS Commercials That’ll Make You Wonder How The League Survived

Back in 2001, Major League Soccer almost folded. After six seasons, millions of dollars in operating losses and with two clubs on the verge of contraction (the Tampa Bay Mutiny and Miami Fusion), the league was really only kept afloat by the vision of Lamar Hunt (who owned the Columbus Crew, Kansas City Wizards and Dallas Burn in his lifetime). 

Selfie Celebration Goes Horribly Wrong For Moroccan Second Division Side

When does a celebration get out of hand, forcing the referee to whistle for a restart and allowing the team that just conceded to race down the field and score a goal of its own? It’s an unwritten rule that the euphoria which greets a goal should be given ample time to manifest itself, but who’s to say when enough’s enough?

Why Donald Trump Is Known To Some As Pelé

Pelé is generally considered the greatest footballer of all time. The U.S. has been looking for its own version of Pelé ever since the Brazilian graced the NASL more than 40 years ago. 

It turns out, we’ve had our own Pelé all along, and he’s the most polarizing figure in the country.

Donald Trump has been given the nickname of Pelé by a select group of people who know more about his sporting abilities than perhaps anyone in the world.

Top 18 Late Night TV Appearances By Soccer Players

Americans loves celebrities like apple pie and making fun of baseball. It’s why late night TV shows constantly barrage us with uninspired interviews of famous actors trying to get us to watch their new thing.

But occasionally, a late night show does something truly inspired. They bring on a soccer player, someone who can actually keep the viewers who aren’t in states where marijuana is legalized awake. 

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