Here is a video of Roberto Firmino's highlights so far this season:
Whoops! We have just been informed that this is in fact not Roberto Firmino's 2016 Liverpool highlight video. We apologize.
That video should be about Roberto Firmino, though, because Roberto Firmino's teeth are incredible.
Loris Karius, who last season was voted the second-best goalkeeper in the Bundesliga, is in a war of words with Gary Neville, who has never been a goalkeeper but is paid to pretend he knows things about goalkeeping on TV.
No goalkeeper is immune to the vast amount of criticism that will inevitably come their way. Whether being rounded on for a costly howler, unavoidable inexperience or just a perceived general lack of command, a keeper's life is an incessant trial by fire.
A 20-year-old David de Gea making consistent Premier League appearances for Manchester United during his first season in England was a “dodgy keeper” that needed “to grow into his kit”.
Roberto Firmino's Liverpool contract reveals a level of saltiness that's not been seen in these parts for quite some time.
What follows is my favorite paragraph of soccer journalism so far in 2016.
Mario Balotelli's bad reputation reportedly netted him one of the sweeter contract bonuses we've heard of.
Reportedly, a series of documents released by Football Leaks shows Balotelli had a clause in his contract that entitled him to a ￡1 million bonus each season if he was not sent off three or more times.
Balotelli was not sent off during his first season at Liverpool and spent the second season on loan at AC Milan.
Liverpool fans were probably the only people who really cared who Ben Woodburn was before this season started, but they were very excited about him.
After the youngster scored against Leeds United in the EFL Cup Tuesday, though, the cat's out of the bag. Woodburn, at 17 years and 45 days old, broke the record held by Michael Owen (17 years and 143 days) for youngest-ever Liverpool goalscorer.
Here are the match highlights:
Darren Bent will go down in history for one thing: donking a football off a beach ball past Pepe Reina into the goal while he was at Sunderland in 2009.
This is one of the silliest, dumbest goals of all time. It shouldn't have counted, but it did. Even though I am a Liverpool fan, and this goal was scored against my club, I'm glad this goal exists somewhere on the plane of space-time. It serves as a reminder that sports can be both profoundly moving and profoundly stupid, sometimes at the same time.
Football can be a cruel, cruel mistress. Fans have learned this lesson the hard way very well over the years. For every glorious triumph, there is a heartbreaking defeat. In certain cases, it seems baffling that it's actually happened.
These five slip-ups, from players and teams, highlight how you can never say "never" in this sport. Just when you think it's over, you can have the rug pulled out from under your feet.