Manchester United

Peter Crouch Reveals The Hilarious Extent Of Cristiano Ronaldo’s Mirror Habits

37-year-old Stoke City striker Peter Crouch has further cemented his reputation as a cult icon (owing largely to his gangly, 6-7 frame on the pitch) in recent times due to his standing as one of the most entertaining footballers on Twitter.

Wayne Rooney Provides One Goal, Two Assists To Deny Atlanta A Playoff Place (For Now)

Atlanta United will certainly make the playoffs on the backend of a terrific season, but D.C. United deprived Tata Martino’s side of clinching while giving its own playoff hopes a major boost by defeating the Five Stripes 3-1 in the nation’s capital. 

Wayne Rooney was again instrumental for D.C., assisting Luciano Acosta on the game’s opening goal in the 29th minute before restoring the Black-and-Red’s advantage from the spot in the 52nd. With the match in the balance, Rooney then provided another assist for Acosta in the 77th minute to secure the three points for D.C. United.

Manchester United Equals Dallas Cowboys As World’s Most Valuable Franchise — Still Sucks On Pitch

Manchester United keeps deteriorating on the pitch but the club’s value has never been higher. 

Jose Mourinho’s Red Devils are off to a miserable start to the new Premier League campaign, with an embarrassing loss to Brighton and a 3-0 humiliation at the hands of Tottenham. But no one ever said you had to be good to be rich (just look at a few notable politicians). 

Same Old Boring Spurs Players Humiliate Manchester United At Old Trafford

Tottenham’s position as the target of the Meme Lords soccersplaining fury came to an end today following a stirring 3-0 victory over Manchester United at Old Trafford. The internet will now turn its collective fury at Jose Mourinho, who — surprisingly for a 55-year-old and two-time Champions League winner — seems to be genuinely affected by the treatment he’s receiving from various hacks and the Twittersphere.  

Alexis Sanchez Is That Aunt We All Have Who Uses Social Media Awkwardly

If one were asked to sum up Manchester United right now using just an emoji, it’s probably:

Alexis Sanchez

Manchester United Produces A Comedy Of Errors In Shock Defeat To Brighton

It was just one of those days for Manchester United; one of those days were crosstown rivals Manchester City absolutely decimated an opponent to climb to the top of the table while United reverted to the slapstick pantomime version of the world’s biggest club. 

A late Paul Pogba penalty made the scoreline much more respectable, but Brighton fully deserved its 3-2 win over Jose Mourinho’s men at the Amex Stadium. 

David Moyes Linked With USMNT Job And This Is Surely A Joke

According to The Sunday Times, a quality British broadsheet that usually doesn’t mess around, David Moyes is now a leading candidate to become USMNT manager. This is obviously just world-class banter from our friends across the pond, right? 

Romelu Lukaku Hints At Shock Belgium Retirement After Euro 2020

Do not read on if you, like myself, are still coping with last week’s announcement that David Silva and Gerard Pique are calling it quits with the Spanish national team. International football, it seems, may soon be suffering another casualty, though perhaps we have a couple years to prepare for this one.

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