National Teams

Who could have foreseen this? Germany, the defending champion, had never been knocked out in the group stage, advancing in its previous 18 tournaments. Die Mannschaft won the 2017 Confederations Cup with ease. All that was needed was a win for Germany vs South Korea and Joachim Low’s men would have moved on to the next round. 

Instead, it was a tepid 2-0 loss for Germany vs South Korea, sending the 2014 World Cup champion home with a last-place finish in Group F.

So, who could have foreseen this? Anyone who learns from history.

Mexico’s deserved 3-0 spanking at the hands of an exceptional Sweden side doesn’t matter. El Tri’s through to the Round of 16 thanks to one of the greatest upsets in the history of the World Cup. The defending champions are out, and they’ll long have nightmares of South Korea goalkeeper Cho Hyun-woo, who made six saves on the day.

El Tri fans will likely not want to watch the Mexico vs Sweden highlights from Wednesday’s World Cup Group F finale. The 3-0 defeat for the Concacaf side had few redeeming qualities for fans of Mexico. But hey, South Korea stunned Germany and El Tri advanced anyway, so who cares, right?

Mexico started the match out with the right attitude, not sitting back but not pushing too far forward. But that changed in the second half, when Sweden took the lead with three goals in 24 minutes. 

As frustrating as it was to watch (the 78,000 at the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow deserve a refund), France’s scoreless draw against Denmark — our first of the tournament — wasn’t hard to predict. Les Bleus wanted top spot in Group C and Denmark loves nothing more than an amicable bit of chumminess, and so that’s how it played out.

I’ll be honest, I don’t have that many eyes. I just have the two and they largely need to be fixed on the same thing. In fact, if I had to describe it to you, my vision basically just looks like what you’d presumably see with one giant eye. I describe my lovely eyes and their function just as a means to say that with the World Cup having moved to simultaneous kick offs, my eyes can’t be everywhere.

On Tuesday I watched France vs. Denmark (kill me now) and Argentina vs. Nigeria (let me live a while longer), so those two matches will be my focus here.  

With Croatia having all but clinched first place in Group D ahead of its match against Iceland, manager Zlatko Dalic elected to make nine changes to his starting XI. For most teams there would be a notable dropoff, but this Croatia midfield has an aura of  invincibility heading into the knockout stages.

The game’s an original drama unlike any other, but for 40 minutes of Argentina versus Nigeria at Saint Petersburg Stadium, this felt like a rerun. There was Javier Mascherano, bloodied, stretching every sinew as the side’s aging lynchpin and guilty of doing too much.

For the entirety of 38 games at the 2018 FIFA World Cup, you could do whatever the hell you pleased at corner kicks. Use Pepe as a battering ram to create some space for Ronaldo? Sure. Tackle Harry Kane to the ground with two players? Why not. Shove Miranda in the back to snatch a Swiss equalizer? That sounds wild, but we’ll definitely allow it.

After watching first Lucas Biglia and then Enzo Perez do little except play balls into places where things go to die, it’s looking like Argentina’s riding Ever Banega next to Javier Mascherano from here on out (which still might not be very long whatsoever). Regardless, my God was it nice to see a ball from the Argentina midfield that wasn’t first coated in the feces of a leaky Mascherano anus.