Have you ever had one of those moments where completely unrelated things just start to intertwine with each other?
Sort of like when you're moving and you throw a bunch of cables into the same box and maybe once they had a purpose, but that purpose has been long forgotten by the inevitable decay of time and a serious lack of organizational skills.
As a result, you are left with a gnarled mess that may once have been several individual wires but has since evolved into a sentient electrical being name Orthlok that demands a blood sacrifice in order to fulfill his evil plan to imprison all humans within their Facebook profiles.
A rare photo of Orthlok the Destroyer. Photo: @pcisthebomb | Twitter
Wait. What were we talking about? Oh, right. What's with all the Fresh Prince of Bel Air references in soccer lately?
For starters, there was Scotland international Steven Fletcher's initiation at Marseille where he had to stand and rap the intro to the show.
The only thing that would have been more humorous than the Scotsman's rap would be if they had also made him sing it in French. We'll be anxiously awaiting the sequel.
Then, Michail Antonio decided to dance the "Carlton" after scoring against Tottenham.
That's great Michail, but we think you can go bigger. Allow us to set the scene: Boleyn Ground, there are bubbles in the air, the crowd is electric and the players wait nervously in the tunnel. The referee barks "Alright, let's go lads!"
Remember lads. It's all in the hips. Photo: @westhamutdnews | Twitter
There's a huge roar as "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones blares over the loudspeakers and the Hammers rush out and perform a full rendition of the "Carlton" completely synchronized like a Tchaikovsky ballet. It'll be the most intimidating prematch ritual since the New Zealand All Blacks "Haka."
OK. That may have been a slight exaggeration. Photo: @c_sgeorge | Twitter
No need to thank us West Ham. Just all in a day's work.
Then there's this footage of Will Smith taking the worst penalty ever in the history of humanity:
Seriously? Will Smith vs Edwin Van Der Sar? That's the worst thing to happen to Will Smith since "I Am Legend."
Oh, and we'll also just leave this footage of Alfonso Ribiero (a.k.a Carlton) singing the national anthem R'n'B style before an L.A. Galaxy game...
and then proving that he has no idea what soccer is...
It's OK though guys. He knows David Beckham.
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We think it's pretty clear that none of this is a coincidence. Orthlok is clearly brainwashing people using old Fresh Prince tapes in a bid to take over the world using soccer. The good news: you can easily tell those that have been infected apart. Just blast some Tom Jones and they won't be able to resist breaking into the "Carlton." At the point you can defeat them quite easily. Simply take their cap, which will alway be askew '90's style, and straighten it. The resulting shift will cause their brain to melt. Good luck out there people. May the Force be with you.
Follow me on Twitter @OrthlokTheDestroyer @J_Hansen_89
