Cristiano Ronaldo

All was not perfect in Cristiano Ronaldo’s world during the lead up to El Clasico in April 2012. 

He was one of the world’s two best players, in the midst of a colossal goal scoring run and on his way to his lone La Liga title with Real Madrid. But still, things were merely good — not great. The reason being because his Los Blancos squad was universally viewed as Barcelona's whipping boys. 

When a normal person wakes up, there's a process to be gone through before one gets enough energy to go outside and be a person. Generally there's some combination of a shower, breakfast, coffee and maybe exercise before one is ready to meet the day. Humans are ike diesel engines. It takes us a while to get properly revved up.

Except for Cristiano Ronaldo, who may not even be a human, just a 6'2" bundle of pure energy, hair gel and abs, and who gets out of bed like no human being before him.

World Soccer magazine, established in 1960, has been handing out their Player of the Year award since 1982, establishing itself as one of the most well-respected accolades in the game. Since 2005, the winner of the World Soccer Player of the Year has subsequently been named the Ballon d’Or recipient. 

At this point, we should all be familiar with the continuous vacuum of noise surrounding Cristiano Ronaldo. Detractors claim he’s not the player he once was, Ronaldo scores eight La Liga goals in four matches. Haters claim that he’s egotistical and self-obsessed, he shows just how good this has made him and what it’s earned him.  

The 2017 FIFA Confederations Cup, the tune-up tournament for the main event that will follow in 2018, draw took place this morning in Kazan, Russia. The tournament will be held this summer, running from June 17 to July 2, throughout Russia, and we now know the makeup of the two groups at the competition.

Group A features the hosts, Russia, along with the winners of Euro 2016, Portugal. Also in the group are the winners of the 2015 CONCACAF Cup playoff match, Mexico, and New Zealand, the winners of the 2016 OFC Nations Cup Final. 

There have been a litany of awesome players in the UEFA Champions League down the years, so much so that creating an Ultimate XI is a task that could, in theory, drive one to madness. 

After today's Atletico Madrid vs Real Madrid derby, many of you may be asking, "Exactly how many hat-tricks does Cristiano Ronaldo have?"

You may also be asking, "Can anyone else score for Real Madrid?"

The answer to these questions is, respectively, a sh*t ton and no. To put it in perspective, Ronaldo is scoring hat-tricks at the same rate at which I consume breakfast sandwiches. Which is to say, very frequently.

Here's how it breaks down.