England

Matchweek 16 of the English Premier League kicked off Saturday morning with relegation candidates West Ham shocking defending champions Chelsea 1-0 at the London Stadium. David Moyes’ first victory as Hammers boss was secured by Marko Arnautovic, the $27 million man who’d yet to score following his summer move from Stoke City. 

But Moyes suddenly seems like the right man for the job with Arnautovic finding net and West Ham climbing to 18th in the table, with just their horrific goal difference of minus 18 keeping them from safety. 

Everton travelled to Cyprus to play Apollon Limassol in the last match of the Europa League group stage Thursday. They did so without most of the first team and new manager Sam Allardyce. Neither team had any chance of advancing, so Everton used the opportunity to hand debuts to some academy kids and prepare the first team for Sunday's Merseyside Derby.

Since the Champions League went from using a second group stage to a 16-team knockout tournament in 2003-04, no league had ever qualified five teams for the knockout rounds — until now. With Liverpool’s 7-0 destruction of Spartak Moscow on Wednesday, the English Premier League officially placed five clubs into the Champions League Round of 16 in what is a remarkable turnaround for the league. Kind of. 

Newcastle United supporters have long referred to Sunderland’s Stadium of Light as the Stadium of Shite *shoots finger guns*, but that genius-level pun was taken to a seemingly literal level on Saturday after 17-year-old season ticket holder Callum Mawson was accused of shitting in the stands during his club’s 3-1 defeat to Reading.

There were moments in the Manchester City vs West Ham match when Arsene Wenger might have considered breaking out the champagne like the 1972 Dolphins to celebrate another season in which his Invincibles remained the only unbeaten side in English Premier League history. But as always seemed inevitable, Manchester City found another late goal to equal the English top flight record with a 13th straight victory on Sunday at the Etihad.

Manchester United-Arsenal was the best game of the Premier League season so far. The highlights prove it, and some other thinga also prove it.

Highlights:

The World Cup draw was completed this morning at the State Kremlin Palace in Moscow with the 32 finalist nations placed into eight groups of four. The 2018 FIFA World Cup will kick off on June 14 at Luzhniki Stadium with a match featuring host-side Russia and Saudi Arabia. We now know the makeup of the entire field for the competition as well as the group stage matches that'll captivate the planet next summer. Here are the full results from the 2018 FIFA World Cup draw. 

Pep Guardiola loves coaching. Pep Guardiola loves coaching more than you love anything, including your so-called "loved ones." Pep Guardiola has Thanksgiving with coaching and they never get into heated political arguments while the turkey gets cold.

At the end of Manchester City-Southampton Wednesday (which Raheem Sterling won for City at the death), Guardiola demonstrated just how much he loves coaching by coaching the hell out of Southampton midfielder Nathan Redmond.

Santi Cazorla is surrounded by darkness. He cannot escape the despair. The omnipresent smile has been replaced by a pained expression, beseeching the soccer gods to bestow upon him a healthy foot. The saga of the never-ending Santi Cazorla injury continued Wednesday when the Arsenal midfielder announced he underwent a ninth surgery in 13 months on his right foot.  

Cazorla’s announcement came via Twitter with a telling photo: the Spaniard, hands clasped as if in prayer, looking to the heavens while blackness surrounds from above and below. 

Manchester City maintained their eight-point gap at the top of the Premier League table thanks to Raheem Sterling’s 95th minute winner against Southampton on Wednesday. Sterling’s ninth goal of the campaign (more than the likes of Alvaro Morata and Romelu Lukaku) was an absolute beauty, and it continued his remarkable penchant for the dramatic this season.