England

Yes, we’re doing the third place game. No, I don’t know why.

Unai Emery made his debut on the Arsenal bench as the Gunners routed Boreham Wood 8-0 on Saturday at Meadow Park in London. The match kicked off at the same time as the England-Belgium World Cup third-place match, but the Emery Arsenal debut provided far more action than the Three Lions in Russia. 

For the second time in this World Cup, Belgium beat England. For the second time this World Cup, England’s loss proved to be a partial success, helping cement a Harry Kane Golden Boot on Saturday.

Belgium took down England 2-0 in the lowest-scoring third-place match since Poland beat Brazil 1-0 in 1974 (leave it to England to make a third-place match boring). It reaffirmed what most astute observers already knew: The Red Devils are far superior to the Three Lions and fully deserve their best-ever finish at a World Cup. 

As the England vs Belgium third-place match approaches on Saturday, the age-old question presents itself once more: Who the hell cares about third place? Especially in a competition like this where only the first matters.

England lost 2-1 to Croatia as Belgium lost 1-0 to France during the semifinals, but the world knew it wouldn’t be the last they hear from those two during the World Cup. The world also didn’t care and still doesn’t, but if you do though then you’re an absolute anomaly. Anomaly is a polite synonym for tool here.

FIFA has opened an official investigation after reports of England fans’ alleged discriminatory chants during the semifinal with Croatia on July 11. The governing body of football received reports from its anti-discrimination monitoring system, which kept an eye on unruly behavior during the match in Moscow’s Luzhniki Stadium.

After just over two years as manager of Chelsea FC, Antonio Conte has been officially fired from the English club and is to be replaced by former Napoli FC coach Maurizio Sarri. Conte now joins Carlo Ancelotti (who'll actually replace Sarri at Napoli), Claudio Ranieri and Roberto Di Matteo as the fourth Italian manager at Chelsea to be, how do you say, relieved of his duties.

On July 15, 2018, France and Croatia will meet at the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow to contest the final of the World Cup. It’ll be a matchup of the two most deserving teams, but you can’t help but feel that England missed out on a massive opportunity after looking in the ascendency for the better part of the opening hour today.