England

Apparently Crawley Town's Defense Can Bend Space-Time

We need Stephen Hawking to explain how Crawlry Town's defense kept the ball from going into the net on this play against Accrington Stanley.

Who Are The 10 Fastest Players In The Premier League?

Opta Sports have revealed which Premier League players have recorded the highest speeds so far this season, and the results include some surprise inclusions.

West Ham And Chelsea Fans Clash During EFL Cup Match

Towards the end of West Ham’s win over London rival Chelsea, fans began hurling bottles and even seats at one another. The situation escalated when fans attempted to burst through the segregation line, requiring riot police to separate the parties. 

Watch as fans of both sides forget that they are there to watch a match:

Paul Pogba Must Be Protected Like The Great Barrier Reef

There was a strange moment in the EFL Cup fourth round match between Manchester United and Manchester City during the half-time break. The first half had passed largely without incident save for a Kelechi Iheanacho header that the young Nigerian got completely wrong. Zlatan Ibrahimovic had a wretched opening 45 minutes, but the half-time punditry, as it so often does this season, gradually shifted to Paul Pogba. 

During the commercial intermission, we were treated to this beautiful Adidas commercial concerning the world’s most expensive player: 

Cameron Carter-Vickers Will Be Very Good Despite Being Thrown To The Wolves In EFL Cup

Cameron Carter-Vickers, an 18-year-old American center back, made his second appearance for Tottenham Tuesday. It did not go well. His debut came in the EFL Cup against Gillingham and he played well in a win. Tuesday, though, the likes of Gillingham were nowhere to be seen. Tottenham played Liverpool.

Mauricio Pochettino continued the time-honored tradition of playing his second-string in the EFL Cup because who cares it's the EFL Cup, so Carter-Vickers got the nod. 

Liverpool also trotted out a fairly inexperienced side except for, um, the strikers.

Marouane Fellaini Has Overstayed His Welcome At Manchester United

Marouane Fellaini needs to be dropped. For a player whose job is to link defense and attack, he is one of the most unreliable middlemen in the game. The only consistency you get from the afroed Belgian is a world class chest trap and an imposing-yet-bumbling aerial presence. 

Matchday Chef Fired For Food Poisoning Plot

A matchday chef for Bristol Rovers vs. Gillingham this weekend learned the hard way that you should watch what you post on Facebook.

The chef, an admitted Bristol City fan, posted this gem (apparently deleted) on Facebook:

At work.. think am going to poison the whole lot of rovers fan today.. can’t be bothered to cook everything is going to be undercooked today.. how many people going to have the shits … Best news is am in the away end.. so no looking a inbreed (redacted) here the view I got for the next 7 hours…

Mansfield Town's Manager Knows The Machines Are Coming For Us All Eventually

Mansfield Town manager Adam Murray sees society being overtaken by cell phones, brightly-lit screens replacing good-old interpersonal communication, and he does not like it one bit, so he banned cell phones.

From The Guardian:

NWSL All-Time Leading Scorer Kim Little Sold To Arsenal

On Tuesday the NWSL announced the transfer of Kim Little from the Seattle Reign to Arsenal Ladies. To the average American soccer fan or casual fan of the US Women’s National Team, that won’t seem like an important move. However, if you’ve followed the NWSL or the women’s game globally, you will know that the league just lost a massive talent. 

Little’s Journey To Seattle And European Recognition

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