Funny

A Snafu, Shitshow And Clusterfuck, As Defined By Man City Vs. Chelsea

Manchester City went top of the Premier League table on goal difference today, and what a sensational difference to the goals they made. And they did it against David Luiz’s Chelsea, no less. 

6-0. +54 GD. That’s City.

I read something interesting from Quartz (I have no idea) about the differences between the words fuck-up, SNAFU, FUBAR, shitshow and clusterfuck. I figured it was clickbait, but it really was a sensational read.

Jamie Vardy Gets Subbed In To Take Immediate Penalty, Maybe Not The Best Strategy

Tottenham stayed lurking in the Premier League title race with a 3-1 victory over Leicester City on Sunday, but it wasn’t that straightforward. Dávinson Sánchez gave Spurs the lead on 33 minutes, but they wouldn’t improve on that advantage until after the hour mark, and minutes before that, things should have been level.

A foray forward from the Foxes ultimately resulted in James Maddison being barged over by Jan Vertonghen, and Leicester used the resulting stoppage in play to bring on Jamie Vardy for Demarai Gray. 

Mainz Probably Deserved To Get Trounced After Wearing These Clown Jerseys

Silly on the outside, serious on the inside.

That was the message Mainz wanted to put forth as the club prepared to host Bayer Leverkusen on Friday. The German club would be would be wearing a new Mainz carnival kit for a fifth straight year and wanted to make sure its fans knew the players would take the match seriously, even if the uniforms were a bit of a joke.

Troy Deeney Says Ben Foster Is The Footballer We All Want To Be

Ben Foster is the guy we all want to be.

At least, according to his teammate Troy Deeney.

Ben Foster, Watford’s No. 1 goalkeeper (not to be confused with the American actor of the same name), is fourth in the Premier League in saves with 78, the highest of any Englishman. He’s worked his way through the ranks, having signed by Sir Alex Ferguson from Stoke City in 2005 at the age of 22, only to struggle for top-flight match time. 

This Salt Truck Spinning Out On Ice Is Just Like A Tackle From France Today

Up in Minnesota, the polar vortex came, dropped temperatures to minus-28 degrees and went. Up next was some overnight freezing rain that left everything caked in ice on Monday morning. Some people took the opportunity to play ice hockey in the streets, some went about attempting to fix the situation — I'm talking about that hero the salt truck driver.

But just as we can ask who watches the watchmen, who salts for the saltmen? 

It’s Neymar’s Party; He’ll Cry If He Wants To

By an odd quirk in this universe in which we live, four of the best footballers on the planet — in particular, Cristiano Ronaldo and Neymar — were born on the same day of the year: February 5.

Enjoy The Puppy Bowl? Check Out Atlanta United’s Spin-Off, World Pup

If you’re like the rest of America, you’ve probably got the Puppy Bowl on right now. It’s the 15th edition of the game on Animal Planet, and it’s shaping up to be a real doozy. 

Everton’s Best Player Today Was A Black Cat

Everton hosted Wolverhampton in what could be described as a mid-table six-pointer if anyone cared about positioning in mid table (no one does). Wolves cruised to a 3-1 win as Raúl Jiménez scored his ninth goal of the season. Meanwhile the best player for the Toffees was an evasive Everton cat. 

Rúben Neves converted a seventh-minute penalty, Jiménez headed home just before halftime and Leander Dendoncker finished the match with a follow-up volley in the 66th minute as Wolves moved comfortably into seventh place, five points ahead of Everton. 

Police Called After Moscow Man Accuses Ghost Of Andrey Arshavin Of Stealing Money

For a couple years, Andrey Arshavin was one of the most exciting footballers in the world. Today, people are asking: Is Arshavin dead?

It’s true Arshavin dropped off the face of the British-centric soccer world when he left Arsenal to return to his native Russia in 2013. He only just retired in December 2018, after a few years with Zenit Saint Petersburg, Kuban Krasnodar and Kairat. That last club plays in the Kazakhstan Premier League, so you’d be excused for not knowing about it, but the Russian winger did score nine goals in 31 league appearances in 2018. 

This Corner Flag Had A Worse Week Than Saints Fans

Burnley did not have a great day at the office on Saturday. The club traveled to the Etihad to play Manchester City in the FA Cup and was routinely routed 5-0. But it was nothing compared to what happened to the poor Man City corner flag.

To no one’s surprise, the Citizens ran rampant, spreading five goals across the 90 minutes and five different goal scorers. The pick of the bunch was Kevin de Bruyne’s blistering shot from about 20 yards out.

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