The ball goes up, the ball comes down. It flys to Earth without a sound. You make the call, you bike the ball, but that’s because you never know where it will fall.
A bicycle kick own goal as graceful as this deserves poetry — fine poetry. This is a pretty difficult philosophical question: if you could score a goal as great as this but it also had to be an own goal...would you? I think I would. I know I would.
Each narrative in the English Premier League has a nauseatingly long lifespan until it utterly annihilates itself — it’s annually cyclical, like the depiction of a serpent eating its own tail. We belabor the same statistics, the same trends and the same memes until we’ve had our fill, proceeding to damn them out of existence like a child pop star whose career of cultural martyrdom has run its course.
To play soccer is to partake in a global community of shared experiences. We all watch the same matches, absorb each other's methods and styles and speak one universal language, the language of the game we love. Like anything in life, soccer has its phases — its ups and downs — but we wouldn't have it any other way, because in the end, soccer always gives us so much more in return.
Here are 18 things that show we have far more in common with each other than divides us.
(David Attenborough voice)
Ah, yes, this is the rare Canadian Howler. This creature is exceedingly rare, but when sighted it never disappoints.
lmao pic.twitter.com/vryk1BIjZ4
— nick (@nick_pants) May 11, 2017
James Milner had a penalty saved on Sunday. It was his first failure to convert since 2009. Before he took it, Southampton goalkeeper Fraser Forster stepped up to the spot and whispered sweet nothings into Milner's ear. Did it affect Milner? After the match, Milner said he's been around long enough for that sort of thing not to bother him.
Oh come on Jimmy no one believes that.
What did Forster say that so unnerved the unflappable Milner? We have some speculations:
"James are you sure you didn't leave the kettle on this morning?"
That man in the picture above is not Lionel Messi. He is an imposter. We wouldn't blame you for thinking he's real, though. A lot of people thought he was real, so many that the police had to get involved.
Here are three very alarming sentences from the BBC:
So many people in the city of Hamaden wanted a picture with Reza Parastesh that police took him to the station and impounded his car to stop the chaos.
Look at that!
Up in the sky!
What is it?
It's a bird!
No, it's a plane!
No, it's Francis Coquelin!
Coquelin flying pic.twitter.com/vPH7vC9jat
— TouchofÖzil (@Touchofozil) May 7, 2017