Highlights

The prevailing wisdom is to never look too far into preseason matches, but when those matches are repeatedly beating you over the head with the obvious, you should probably take notice.

Last year, under the guidance of Steve McClaren, Newcastle recorded just two victories in seven matches. They were defeated by Club Atlas, the Portland Timbers reserve squad and League Two side York City F.C. 

That disastrous preseason form led to an opening run of eight Premier League games without a victory. In hindsight, the club was doomed for relegation as early as October 3rd. 

A little while ago, I wrote about Andrey Arshavin and his slow and painful descent into obscurity. To summarize, having failed to make an impact at Arsenal after three years, the Gunners shipped him back to Zenit, where he effectively did nothing. He was then handed off to Kuban Krasnodar, where he continued to be pretty much useless.

Barcelona just make it all look so easy. When Lionel Messi elected to pass when taking a penalty shot last February, Luis Suarez easily capped off the audacious ploy as Barcelona destroyed Celta Vigo. It looked so simple, and everyone around the world wondered why that’s not done more often.

Riyad Mahrez scored a brilliant goal for Leicester City during their preseason friendly against Celtic, but Arsenal are reportedly set to sign the 25-year-old Algerian in the upcoming days.

The International Champions Cup (ICC) is upon us! While the safe money is on Leicester City to win the competition which “revolutionized the international soccer landscape”, Australia’s Melbourne Victory and Italy’s Juventus took to the Melbourne Cricket Ground to stake their own claims on winning the competition’s historic fourth edition.

No one told Carlos Blanco that it was a meaningless preseason game — the guy apparently lives for the ICC. 

The surreal run of Ecuadorian club Independiente del Valle almost came to an end in Quito on Wednesday. There’s still another leg to play in Medellin, but a loss at home would’ve almost certainly doomed del Valle. That wasn’t in the cards — the fairy tale added another chapter when Arturo Mina Meza snatched an 87th minute equalizer against Colombia’s Atletico Nacional. 

The first leg draw means that del Valle need a win in regular time, extra time or penalties in Colombia to be crowned Copa Libertadores champions. 

The Rio Tinto Stadium in Sandy, Utah bore witness to one of the most audacious game-winning backheel goals the sport has ever seen. In fact, it might be the only one the sport has ever seen.

With the friendly match between MLS’s Real Salt Lake and Serie A’s Inter Milan tied at 1-1 in stoppage-time, Inter’s Stevan Jovetic pulled of an absurd piece of skill to decide the match.

The Homeless World Cup, which took place in Glasgow this year, finished up on Saturday. Mexico won both the men's final and the women's final, as the men coasted by Brazil 6-1 while the women beat Kyrgyzstan 5-0. 

At this point, you might be asking yourself: "Wait. What's a Homeless World Cup?" Allow us to enlighten you. 

Have you ever watched three pre-season friendlies in a row? I have. I don't recommend it. You come away from them with conclusions like "Ben Woodburn is the best footballer there is, has ever been and ever will be. That's what happened when I watched Liverpool vs. Wigan on Sunday. Like I said, I don't recommend it.

You can keep your Dele Allis, your Ross Barkleys, your Raheem Sterlings and Adam Lallanas and James Milners and Jack Wilsheres. I want Joe Cole.

Cole, formerly of Chelsea, Aston Villa, Liverpool and West Ham, is one of the few English footballers having a summer you wouldn't describe as "underwhelming." Look at this goal he scored for the Tampa Bay Rowdies in the NASL (the USA's second division for those of you reading this somewhere besides the good ol' USA).