Humor

As Newcastle United’s takeover by the sovereign wealth fund of Saudi Arabia nears completion, we’re hit with a whole myriad of questions: those of the damningly ethical variety vs.

Footballers and the social media app TikTok haven’t always been the greatest combination. At first it was some cringe-worthy dances, then is it was whatever the hell Layvin Kurzawa was doing. Now the tables have turned and the latest trend is a quite humorous recreation of footballers at the “airport.” 

Young Leeds United fan Daniel Huton was not completely disappointed after sending a letter to Brighton asking to keep his new favorite player. Five-year-old Huton’s favorite is Benjamin White, who's currently on loan at Leeds and will go back to Brighton at the end of the season. 

Huton raided his piggy bank, pulled out pen and paper and made his offer for the defender.

After months of in-depth research, it is all but confirmed somewhere along the line the U.S. lost its greatest potential youth player to the Fortnite gods. After being put into various game lobbies with players, there is no doubt that a soccer legend was hiding amidst the games.

The mighty “Slaminator10” I was paired up with for a match seemed to have to chops to be the USMNT’s new No. 10. Alas, Slaminator made the decisive act to pick up a controller rather than a soccer ball.

A world without football is a world gone mad. That's the exact case with Layvin Kurzawa as he's clearly lost his mind after posting the most horrifying TikTok video I've seen in some time. I pray the Kurzawa TikTok saga doesn’t last too long.

With no football being played, Real Madrid’s social media team decided now is the best time to show another video of what the club’s renovated stadium will look like. It feels like the Santiago Bernabéu renovations have been going on forever and it still reminds me of a massive George Foreman grill.

Coming out of the COVID-19 pandemic, one of my greatest hopes is that the collective joy at the beautiful game’s return forever silences the mind-numbingly pedantic “football vs. soccer” argument.

As an American media company, it’s inevitable that any piece of content we produce that takes off beyond these shores will eventually have the following top comment: “It’s football, not soccer.”

During the break from football we saw Lionel Messi's cute son Ciro help him lift weights. Now, Cristiano Ronaldo is stepping it up a notch and using his own children as the weights. Watch as Ronaldo lifts his children and pray he doesn’t drop them.

Who needs fancy training equipment when you have family?

Hey all you cool cats and kittens, Tiger King has been the talk of quarantine — it's so cringeworthy that you can’t stop watching. It's a Netflix documentary that was supposed to expose the exotic animal trade and cruel treatment, but it had way more than just cat talk. From relationships to feuds and crime to exotic animals, Tiger King has it all. 

If, for some odd reason, the cast had to be put into a football match, here's who I would name to my starting XI:

Australian striker Archie Thompson holds the record for the most goals in a single official international match when he put 13 past American Samoa on April 11, 2001. It was a brutal game for American Samoa as the game finished 31-0. That score line is a blowout even in American football. 

This blowout was a prime example of why Australia changed federations in 2006 from the Oceania Football Confederation to the Asian Football Confederation.