Humor

Picture this: Cristiano Ronaldo is walking around in his house and his mom pokes her head through a doorway and says, "Cris, dinner's ready!"

She says this in Portuguese, of course.

Would this be weird? Can you picture it? I can only sort of picture it, and I've had to work my way up to that point. It's easier to believe if it's his mom, because your mom can call you whatever fool name she wants without any consequences, but what about other people in his life? His chef? His coaches and teammates? His romantic partners?

Luis Boa Morte showed up on MTV Cribs sometime in the early 2000s, and it’s unclear if he’d ever really been inside his own place before. The Portuguese international had only just signed with Fulham after failing to breakthrough at Arsenal and Southampton, so it appears as though his life was in heavy transition when the MTV camera crew showed up to take a look around his unassuming flat in Surrey.

“This is my house,” says Boa Morte as he enters the front door. “This is my living room. I don’t spend much time here.”

Last week it was revealed that, years ago, before the FSG era, billionaire computer person Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, was offered the chance to buy Liverpool. He never returned the phone call.

That left us wondering: what if he had, and then agreed to buy Liverpool, becoming the richest owner in any sport, with more money than even the richest Qatari sheikh?

It’s not a glamorous role, but it’s the lifeblood of any club. Soccer's executives and administrators are the unsung heros of the sport at all levels.

At best, admins and execs keep a club running like a well-oiled machine. At worst, they find themselves in the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Charged with the oversight of all aspects of the game – from scheduling matches to hiring coaches and balancing the books – administrative life is a juggling act of communication, organization and foresight. 

There are ownings, and then there are OWNINGS. This video shows an example of the latter, which caused two defenders to completely give up on life.

Goal from sat  pic.twitter.com/ZDvV2icGsD

— † MH (@MJ_Hudson7) February 1, 2017

What in the actual f*ck is this?

Adam Lallama  pic.twitter.com/bkBBX5ouf9

— Empire of the Kop (@empireofthekop) February 7, 2017

Antonio Conte will kill any of us if he's in the right mood. He said so himself in an interview with Sky Sports Italia.

“Look Paolo, in such moments I am capable of killing anybody.”

When Antonio Conte almost killed his assistant pic.twitter.com/BV95Abo964