Juventus

Maybe this is the answer for Argentina up top? Absolutely not, but still, Juventus’ Argentinean duo of Gonzalo Higuaín and Paulo Dybala combined (3x) for a mesmerizing goal on Wednesday to help the Old Lady stroll into the Coppa Italia quarterfinals after hammering Udinese 4-0. 

With Cristiano Ronaldo missing out entirely due to illness, it was up to the front three of Higuaín, Dybala and Douglas Costa to produce the goods, and they all got on the scoresheet for Juve. 

Juventus and Cristiano Ronaldo opened 2020 in fine style following a 4-0 beatdown of Cagliari on Monday with Ronaldo featuring in all four goals. The Portuguese legend scored a hat-trick and provided an assist — all in the second half — as Juve opened up a three-point lead at the top of Serie A ahead of Monday's late encounter between Inter and Napoli.

It’s about time for the second half of the European club season, and you know what that means — it’s time to burn all the “Cristiano Ronaldo Is Finished” takes from September/October for the fourth straight year. 

When Cristiano Ronaldo joined Juventus, he immediately became the team’s No. 1 free-kick taker, despite the fact the Old Lady already had a couple world-class free kick takers. 

Ronaldo has proven himself to be one of the best at spot kicks, but the numbers show he hasn’t brought that prowess with him to Italy. 

It was always going to happen eventually — it’s just that nobody could’ve predicted how insanely long it’d take for age and the grind of professional sports to somewhat catch up to Cristiano Ronaldo. The 34-year-old has played 982 matches for club and country over the last 17 years, and although he remains decisive, indomitable and a catalyst for one of the world’s best teams, he’s beginning to show signs of what Louis C.K. referred to as “incurable shitty ankle.”

Cristiano Ronaldo had been subbed off, as had goal scorer Aaron Ramsey. So needing a goal late to see off Lokomotiv Moscow, Juventus winger Douglas Costa took things into his own hands.

Costa almost single-handedly smoked the entirety of the Lokomotiv defense to score a stunning 93rd-minute winner as Juventus eked out a 2-1 win in Champions League Group D play on Wednesday in Moscow. 

There’s a term in multiplayer video games called KSing — kill stealing — that refers to one player getting credit for a kill when another did most of the hard work.

Aaron Ramsey just KS’d Cristiano Ronaldo.

Paulo Dybala did not start Tuesday’s match well. His first touch was a mess early on, he failed to provide much to the attack as Juventus went behind in the first half and many were surprised he wasn’t pulled when Gonzalo Higuain was brought on in the second half.

But by the time he was subbed out in the 81st minute, Dybala was the star — the match winner having scored twice, including an epic golazo to spark the Old Lady to a 2-1 victory over Lokomotiv Moscow.