Lionel Messi

10-Year-Old Messi Was Freaky Good, Like, Freakier Than The Omen

No disrespect to Lionel Messi, but if your 10-year-old kid started doing this one day in the backyard, would you think “Gee, little Jimmy’s sure showing an inclination towards soccer” or would you think “Gee, little Jimmy may literally be the Devil incarnate”?

Based on a genetic family history more prone to madness than to footballing excellence, I’d opt for the latter. No disrespect to Messi, but if my son were doing this, I’d check for a weird birthmark and ask my local priest for seven sacrificial daggers. 

You Should Feel Sorry For These Poor Fools Who Were Destroyed By Lionel Messi Last Season

There’s something beautiful about watching Lionel Messi in action. It’s poetic, balletic and scintillating. The anticipation when he receives the ball brings butterflies to the stomach. The way he effortlessly skips by defenders and zips in shots from long range makes the heart sing. How he deftly controls a sharp pass with the outside of his left boot before depositing a shot into the lower corner tingles the senses like a romantic first kiss. 

But mostly, we just love seeing Messi embarrassing the sorry fools who try to stop him week after week.

The 5 Greatest Preseason Moments Ever On American Soil

The International Champions Cup begings today and with it comes an assault of hyperbole, a glut of sponsors and a legion of mercenary money-grubbers. It’s hell on earth as ESPN tells us that Miami’s El Clasico will be the biggest event in American soccer history, Heineken encourages you to consume a pony keg by way of IV drip and Manchester United plant their imperial flag in Sandy, Utah. 

Messi And His Wife Are Spending Their First Days As Newlyweds Hanging Out With Luis Suarez

You know how honeymoons are supposed to work: the newlyweds are supposed to hop on a plane and spend a few weeks being very romantic and doing it a lot while not seeing a single person they have ever met or will meet again. This is a tried-and true formula, but it is not the formula Lionel Messi and wife Antonella Roccuzzo are using, because their honeymoon includes Luis Suarez.

Who Is The Best Dune Buggy Driver On Barcelona?

Gerard Pique crashed a dune buggy. This is not an uncommon occurrence in the dune buggy world, as dune buggies tend to give one a shot of adrenaline that forces one to press the gas pedal down as far as it will go while making an extremely sharp turn and ending up upside-down in a cloud of dust.

That said, is there anyone on Barcelona who would be able to resist these temptations, while still driving a dune buggy with the verve and the exuberance that a dune buggy demands? We speculated:

Gerard Pique: No.

Lionel Messi Renews Barca Deal Until 2021 With Reported €300 Million Release Clause

Lionel Messi joined Barcelona’s La Masia youth academy at the age of 13, and his latest contract extension with the club will see him remain there until he’s 34. According to FC Barcelona, Messi has agreed to an extension through June 30, 2021, and the Argentinean will officially sign the deal in the coming weeks, when he returns to the club for preseason training.

Lionel Messi's Wedding Was Just As Extravagant As You'd Think

Soccer's version of the Royal Wedding took place yesterday. Lionel Messi married his childhood sweeheart, Antonella Roccuzzo, in a ceremony in Rosario, Argentina. Everything was very extravagant. There was a red carpet.

The One Thing That Separates Argentine Empanadas From Portuguese Ones

Lionel Messi and Antonella Roccuzzo are set to marry on Friday, June 30 in a suburb of their hometown of Rosario, Argentina. Prior to the big day, the pair’s wedding menu, ermahgerd, leaked.

We’ve got some fine charcuteries for the Barcelona boys to dig into (soccer moms will tell you that not including Bagel Bites could make for a foul evening, especially with Luis Suarez in attendance), but it’s the Argentine empanadas that have got me all hot and bothered.

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