Outrageous

Back in the days of FIFA Street, you used to have to string together tricks and skills to fill a combo bar which unleashed the GameBreaker — an action that would allow you to score from essentially anywhere, usually by way of scissor kick. 

If this feature were somehow ported into real life, performing the seal dribble would instantly charge that GameBreaker to max capacity. Across the spectrum of sport, I know of no form of self-expression that’s as needless, as brazen and as semiaquatic marine mammal-inspired as the seal dribble.

If you ever plan on removing your shirt for a goal, then make sure you're not already on a yellow card folks. Here's a prime example of why.

With the score tied at 2-2 in the 69th minute, Atlanta United 2 (a real original name) had a free kick in a dangerous area against Miami FC (not Inter Miami). Miami then made the bold move of allowing Atlanta’s Jackson Conway to run completely unmarked across the face of goal. 

Editor's Note: This story is for the end of the 2019-20 season. For the 2020-2021 season, read here.

There was a time, back before Tommy Smyth began broadcasting into our homes on weekday afternoons, that it was all but impossible to find European soccer on TV in the U.S. 

Lemme sing y’all a little song about the legend of Michelle Akers, all based entirely on true events ripped straight from her Instagram timeline.

*classic guitar strums*

Once upon a time in the pre-NWSL U.S.,
women’s soccer was dominated by a lanky, curly haired lass. 

Michelle Akers did it all way back when,
she shared FIFA Player of the Century with China’s Sun Wen.

She won two World Cups and one gold medal,
not too shabby for a girl from just outside Seattle.

In 2019, FC Cincinnati stunk up MLS with a negative-44 goal differential and tied for the fourth-most amount of losses in a single season in MLS history. This season didn’t show much promise either as the club had to hire a new head coach after former coach Ron Jans resigned in February following allegations of using a racial slur in front of players.

The Houston Dash won their first NWSL title with a 2-0 victory over the Chicago Red Stars in the Challenge Cup final on Sunday in Utah. Shea Groom, a journeywoman midfielder who joined the Dash in the offseason, was named MVP of the final after scoring the second goal, rounding USWNT keeper Alyssa Naeher to seal the win.

Juventus and Brazil left back Danilo offered FIFA his two cents while the governing body’s Twitter page was busy drooling over Cristiano Ronaldo.

One idiotic night an idea came to me that I now regret in every way, shape and form. The concept was to spice up Major League Soccer coverage with the addition of hot peppers. Little did I know that I would soon enter a hellhole of pain, heart burn and the loss of taste buds.

The Philadelphia Union may have defeated the New England Revolution 1-0, but the real loser was the moron watching with the jalapeños.

As we get ready for the start of the MLS Is Back Tournament knockout rounds, which begin Saturday night, it’s hard not to look back at the craziest moment of the group stage, one we’re still struggling to wrap our heads around.

It’s been a big week for wealthy team owners giving money to overpaid marketing folks to come up with new names for sports teams. From Washington, D.C., to Seattle, Washington, new names have been announced in some of America’s most popular sports. 

As much as we love soccer here at The18, we’re a bit disappointed that the NHL is winning in the naming department this week.