Passing

In arguably the greatest American Champions League matchday since DaMarcus Beasley roofed one for PSV against Monaco in the 2005 Round of 16, our pubescent USMNT squad registered a game-winning goal and a point-obtaining assist on Tuesday. The goal was somewhat unknowingly golazo'd by Christian Pulisic (celebrating his 20th birthday), and the assist was recorded by Weston McKennie (who actually celebrated his 20th birthday a few weeks ago).

The Portland Thorns edged the Seattle Reign 2-1 in the first NWSL semifinal on Saturday at Providence Park in Portland, a second straight victory over their rivals to advance to the NWSL championship game on Sept. 22. 

Tobin Heath had a goal (and another called back) while Lindsey Horan headed in the winner in the 76th minute. It was a deserved win for a home side that had tremendous support from its fans, who will get to see their team go for a second straight title back at Providence Park against either North Carolina or Chicago. 

Atlanta United will certainly make the playoffs on the backend of a terrific season, but D.C. United deprived Tata Martino’s side of clinching while giving its own playoff hopes a major boost by defeating the Five Stripes 3-1 in the nation’s capital. 

Wayne Rooney was again instrumental for D.C., assisting Luciano Acosta on the game’s opening goal in the 29th minute before restoring the Black-and-Red’s advantage from the spot in the 52nd. With the match in the balance, Rooney then provided another assist for Acosta in the 77th minute to secure the three points for D.C. United.

Chelsea kept pact with Liverpool and Watford at the top of the Premier League table by defeating Newcastle United 2-1 Sunday after an entirely forgettable opening 75 minutes sprang into life over the final quarter-hour.

For Newcastle supporters, the approach from Rafa Benitez harkened back to last December’s visit of Manchester City. The Magpies sat inordinately deep and ceded 81 percent of possession to the visitors while playing with five at the back and an incredibly grafting midfield pairing of Mohamed Diame and Ki Sung-Yueng. 

During a goal-packed, explosive MLS game between D.C. United and Orlando City on Sunday night, Wayne Rooney and Luciano Acosta combined to destroy Orlando at the death. United won 3-2 with Acosta’s hat-trick (two supplied by Rooney) surpassing the efforts of an own goal and Dom Dwyer.

In the 96th minute, a failed D.C. corner left their own net without a keeper (United's David Ousted had come forward despite the 2-2 scoreline — D.C. had to win this one) as Orlando’s Will Johnson sought to capitalize on the counter — until Rooney started rampaging.

The Chicago Fire defeated Louisville City 4-0 in the U.S. Open Cup yesterday, and Bastian Schweinsteiger delivered an assist that was reminiscent of his charging forth at the 2006 World Cup. Have some, Costa Rica. 

Here’s Schweinsteiger dictating play in the final third before playing the easy ball. Would Germany have benefitted from convincing Schweinsteiger to come out of international retirement to play in Russia? No, but that’s a pretty good shit take to get the people riled up. 

After watching first Lucas Biglia and then Enzo Perez do little except play balls into places where things go to die, it’s looking like Argentina’s riding Ever Banega next to Javier Mascherano from here on out (which still might not be very long whatsoever). Regardless, my God was it nice to see a ball from the Argentina midfield that wasn’t first coated in the feces of a leaky Mascherano anus.