In November of 2016, months after signing a one-year contract with Manchester United, Zlatan Ibrahimovic outlined his vision of one-upping Napoleon by accomplishing what the Emperor of the French could not: "I can see myself conquering the U.S. as I have with Europe. Lots of people stay in one place throughout their career, but I’ve travelled around like Napoleon, and conquered every new country where I’ve sat foot.
Arsenal didn’t play this weekend, which is probably a good thing for Gunners fans. The team was already knocked out of the FA Cup by Nottingham Forest in the third round, meaning Gooners can’t even take pleasure in Tottenham having to replay Newport County. But the curl on this Arsenal youth goal almost makes up for not having a match to watch this weekend.
Piers Morgan has the solution to all of Arsenal’s woes: Bring in Donald J. Trump as new manager. The talking head, an unabashed Arsenal fan, recently interviewed the U.S. Commander in Chief and, according to a tweet on Friday, offered Trump the job of replacing Arsene Wenger as manager to Make Arsenal Great Again.
All-Star gaaaames. There’s nothing more exciting than watching the NBA’s West beat the East 192 to 182 while the 6-10 Anthony Davis scores 52 points off 39 shots, and there’s nothing more sporting than watching Canadian journeyman Will Johnson crunch Bastian Schweinsteiger on the ankle after the German graciously appears following a grueling summer spent winning the World Cup.
Hello Folks, Alexis Sanchez Baby is a Manchester United Player as the chilean swapped teams with Henrik Mhikitaryan. Neither of them cracked our list this week, and holy liverpool. Beat the best team in the league to only lose to the last place team 8 days later.. Alas the prem never surprises. Here are some transfers you can make this week:
Transfer Trifecta
Willian (Chelsea):
Arsene Wenger, the Professor with an economics degree, is dipping Arsenal’s pocket book into the crypto-currency markets. The club reached an agreement Wednesday with California-based CashBet, which will thus be allowed to advertise at Emirates Stadium. Now Gunners fans can watch ads for fake money while cheering for fake trophies. The Arsenal crypto-currency deal might just be the most Arsenal thing ever.
Lost in the Alexis Sanchez-Henrikh Mkhitaryan-Arsenal-Manchester United shuffle was the fact that Manchester City made the best personnel move of the day, locking up Belgian midfielder Kevin de Bruyne until at least 2023. The club announced de Bruyne's extension literally minutes after Arsenal and Manchester United dropped their big news.
GET EXCITED! @DeBruyneKev has today signed a new contract at the Club!