Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez walked away from his West Ham regular season debut goalless, creating a few scattered opportunities but, on the whole, looking isolated up front as Andre Ayew and Marko Arnautović dropped into deep positions early.
Slaven Bilic acknowledged as much in post-match commentary, conceding that West Ham's initial 4-3-3 formation left Chicharito on his own.
In the Premier League boneheaded move of the day, Jonjo Shelvey received straight red for stomping on the ankle of Dele Alli in plain sight of the referee.
And when we say "in plain sight of the referee," we mean that the referee could not have been any closer, or paying closer attention. See Exhibit A:
Gary Cahill, everybody!
Just 14 minutes into his first Premier League match as Chelsea's club captain, Gary Cahill paid a touching tribute to predecessor John Terry by being a dick and getting himself sent off.
Following Cahill's exit, Chelsea's defense bungled its way to a 3-0 halftime deficit to, uh, Burnley.
In first-half stoppage time of his first match back for Everton, Wayne Rooney reminded everyone that he's still pretty good.
ROOOOONNEYYYY for Everton! pic.twitter.com/uJJG4q7D0M
— NBC Sports Soccer (@NBCSportsSoccer) August 12, 2017
Inarguably, the biggest story in footy is whether Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger definitely should be or definitely should not be manager of Arsenal. Last year was a roller coaster of emotions that ended with the Frenchman missing the Champions League for the first time since Christ was a boy, winning the FA Cup (again) and signing a two-year contract extension.
Hey! It’s soccer! Or football, whatever! The Premier League is back baby! Those pointless preseason friendlies and the miserable Gold Cup are a thing of the past. Jamie Vardy and Alexandre Lacazette are our glorious present and future. Late Welsh equalizers and meaty French foreheads somehow have Arsenal at the top of the league.
82 days have passed since we put a lid on the 2016-17 Premier League season, but now it’s time to do it all over again. We’ll be treated to the same storylines we’ve all come to know and love (Arsenal in crisis, Newcastle United on the verge of self-inflicted implosion, Manchester City spend a lot of money), but we’ve also been provided with some fresh takes to look forward to.
“Fuck off”
That’s the first response — from a Manchester United fan — on Twitter to Zlatan Ibrahimovic tweeting on Friday a photo of himself holding the Europa League champion’s medal after Manchester United beat Ajax in the final in Stockholm in May.
Ibrahimovic is receiving an awful lot of hate from fans of the team he scored 28 goals for last season before going down with a season-ending injury in April. His tweet was innocuous enough, with a picture and the words “Nr 33” in reference to his 33 trophies he’s won throughout his career.