England

Tuesday was a Champions League matchday. Some of the best players in the world were in action, inclusing Messi, Neymar, Arjen Robben, Romelu Lukaku, Eden Hazard, Antoine Griezmann, James Rodriguez, Luis Suarez and Edinson Cavani.

Instead of watching those players, you should have been watching Barnsley vs. Burton Albion in the English Championship. Why weren't you watching Barnsley vs. Burton Albion? Look what Joe Williams did!

Stephan El Shaarawy scored what we’re forever calling a Roman Hat Trick. The Roma winger scored two goals in the first half against Chelsea and received a bit of unexpected foreplay from teammate Diego Perotti. Roma beat Chelsea 3-0 on Tuesday in the Rome rematch of the remarkably entertaining 3-3 draw at Stamford Bridge a couple weeks ago. El Shaarawy was at the center of it all, spoiling the return of Blues coach Antonio Conte to his native country. 

Normally, when one's 21-year-old Kosovar striker makes a substitute appearance after fans have been calling for him and ends up scoring the winner, that is cause for celebration. Not for Ipswich Town manager Mick McCarthy, though. Mick McCarthy does not celebrate.

Ipswich Town were down 1-0 to Burton Albion on Saturday in the second half, and fans were calling for Bersant Celina, a 21-year-old Kosovar on loan from Manchester City, to be introduced. Ipswich Town tied the match up in the 66th minute and Celino came on in the 84th, scoring a late winner.

Watford captain Troy Deeney is facing a three-match ban after being retrospectively punished for his tussle with the 5’6’’ Joe Allen on Saturday. With Stoke City leading Watford 1-0 in the match’s final seconds, Deeney, who’s 6’0’’ and built like a brick sh*thouse, appeared to squish the wee Welshman’s head while cackling like a maniac.

England completed a rare double on Saturday, rallying to defeat Spain 5-2 and claim the U-17 World Cup after winning the U-20 World Cup earlier this year. The Three Lions also finished second in the U-17 Euros and reached the semifinals of the U-21 Euros. Is England on the verge of a new golden age of football?

Two Tottenham Hotspur fans who appeared in a viral video throwing urine at West Ham fans during a Carabao Cup match Wednesday have received lifetime bans, Sky Sports reported Monday.

Chicharito scored his forth goal of the season playing for West Ham as the Hammers visited Crystal Palace in the tenth week of the Premier League. However, the goal scored by the Mexican was insufficient as Crystal Palace came back from a 0-2 disadvantage in the second half. This was also good news for Chicharito, who has failed to meet the goalscoring expectations placed on him so far.

In the end, a top of the table clash between Manchester United and Tottenham at Old Trafford was decided in the most route one way imaginable. In the 81st minute, David de Gea launched one upfield at Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian striker's towering flick unlocked the Spurs defense, Anthony Martial, on as a 70th minute substitute, got on the end of it and dispatched his shot beyond Hugo Lloris in goal. In between, the narrative stayed pretty true to form.

Huddersfield Town coach David Wagner violated the first rule of giving a good best man speech at a wedding. While many things go into an appropriate, meaningful and still funny best man speech, it is absolutely vital that one remain relatively sober during the discourse. At Liverpool coach Jurgen Klopp’s wedding in 2005, Wagner did not heed this advice.

Manchester City vs. Wolverhampton was an interesting game not only because of the result but also because a new experimental penalty shootout system was tried out in the game.

I’m guessing the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear ABBA is not soccer related.