Funny

Things You Didn't Want To Know About The Two New MLS Expansion Teams

Nashville or Miami? With the start of the 2020 Major League Soccer season right around the corner it’s time to take a closer look at the two new MLS expansion teams. This will absolutely be the most in-depth comparison you could possibly receive for the two new teams in Nashville and Miami.

USMNT Has One Shot, One Opportunity At Becoming World Champion

If Saturday’s rematch between Deontay Wilder and Tyson Fury is half as good as their first fight, we’re in for another royal rumble. Back in December of 2018, the two undefeated heavyweights went 12 rounds in a split decision draw with Fury arguably outboxing Wilder by landing more punches, but with the Bronze Bomber twice dropping the Gypsy King to the canvas. 

Harry Maguire Removes Michy Batshuayi's Ability To Reproduce

Harry Maguire of Manchester United decided to give Chelsea’s Michy Batshuayi the boot . . . literally. During the first half of the Red Devils-Blues showdown, Maguire kicked Batshuayi where it hurts most.

Tigres Goalkeeper Nahuel Guzmán Attempts To Punt A Man Instead Of The Ball

I’ve never played goalkeeper before, but I can imagine it’s pretty damn infuriating when an opponent stands directly between you and your distribution. I’m not trying to excuse the behavior of Tigres keeper Nahuel Guzmán — who absolutely lost it in those exact circumstances and attempted to punt a man — but I also can’t suppress a chuckle while he blatantly attempts to drive his knee up Eduardo Aguirre’s sphincter.

It’s Probably For The Best That Vicks VapoRub Has Disappeared From The Game

It used to be a common sight in football, particularly if you had Arsenal on the television and midfield enforcer Patrick Vieira was out there crunching people: a gobshite stain between the nips of players that was actually a hearty application of Vicks VapoRub.

There was a common misconception that the lovely bit of goo was actually mucus, which is a decent enough shout given footballers’ love for blowing delicious snot rockets.

Which USMNT/USWNT Player Would Make The Best ‘Survivor’?

Tonight, Wednesday, Feb. 12, marks the start of the 40th season of “Survivor.” Still going strong with Jeff Probst and a group of castaways, Survivor has been airing two seasons a year for about 20 years, redefining reality TV, for better or worse.

But what if our favorite American soccer players were cast on Survivor?

The Best And Worst Youth Sports To Referee

After 12 years away from the sphere of youth refereeing, I feel like I can finally come clean. While there’s a lot to like about making officiating your main means of employment throughout high school — namely the fact that you get to be outside while your friends construct thousands of take-and-bake pizzas at Papa Murphy’s — there’s also a fair degree of post-traumatic stress.

Remember When Roberto Carlos Was An Absolute Menace In Old Pepsi Commercials?

Roberto Carlos built his reputation off winning everything and stonking thunderbastards wherever he went. He was like that new species of dinosaur they just discovered, the “Reaper of Death,” because going toe-to-toe with him marked the endpoint of your existence. 

John Oliver’s Story Of His First Liverpool Match Is Far Too Relatable

John Oliver, a proud Liverpudlian, is now a U.S. citizen. The comedian and former The Daily Show correspondent is about to start his seventh season of his hit HBO show “Last Week Tonight.” But all he really wants to talk about is his love for Jurgen Klopp and Liverpool FC.

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