Highlights

Andros Townsend’s decision to leave Newcastle United after their relegation still doesn’t sit well with me. He was a poor man’s Arjen Robben, but that’s no bad thing. If he’s on the right, he’s cutting inside and he’s unleashing a left-footed shot that’s flying into the corner. At least that’s what happened during his 13 games at Newcastle.

Along with the rest of the Crystal Palace team he’s been awful this season. It’s hard to pinpoint where it’s gone wrong, but no it isn’t. Alan Pardew was the manager.

The United States’ recent match against Panama conjured memories of one of the greatest performances by any American in World Cup qualifying. Eddie Johnson, then just 20 years old, took his total to four goals in only two international appearances by scoring a hat trick against Panama in only seventeen-minutes back in 2004.

Lost in all the column inches about Lionel Messi’s four-match ban, Argentina’s horrific performance in their 2-0 defeat to Bolivia and their subsequent falling to fifth-place in CONMEBOL qualifying was the passing of the belt to Bolivia in the Unofficial Football World Championships.

After three straight World Cups of the “Brazilian way” appearing to be nothing more than a fabricated lie engineered by Nike to sell more shoes or a conveniently easy Brazil pregame special for Fox Sports’ Rob Stone, the Brazilian creed of joga bonito is suddenly back in its full glory.

Brazil have become the second side to qualify for the 2018 World Cup, alongside hosts Russia. A team in the CONMEBOL region punching their ticket with over a year to go before the finals, and with four matches still remaining in qualifying, is heinous.

It’s difficult to quantify what exactly has gone down here in Panama City. For one, some sensational work from 18-year-old Christian Pulisic gave the United States a 1-0 advantage. However, Panama went straight back at the other end to equalize, making the scores level at 1-1 after 45.

Here’s what we do know: Clint Dempsey is now one goal shy of Landon Donovan’s all-time mark for the United States. Christian Pulisic is the best 18-year-old in the history of the CONCACAF region. We’ve got a feisty one in Panama City. The second half promises to be a classic.

Mexico took hold of the Hex with a controversial 1-0 victory over Trinidad and Tobago at the Hasely Crawford Stadium in Port of Spain. Mexico had opportunities to add to their total, but the Soca Warriors will be aggrieved to have had a first half goal incorrectly chalked off for offside.

In La Paz, Bolivia, more than 10,000 feet above sea level, the air is so thin you can almost see Argentina's World Cup qualification hopes floating away.

It's not over yet, of course, but after a 2-0 defeat at the hands of Bolivia and with Lionel Messi suspended for three of Argentina's four remaining qualifiers, it's not looking good.

We still don't know what Messi said to the assistant referee after Argentina's 1-0 win over Chile Thursday, but whatever it was got him a four-match suspension, curiously announced just six hours before the Bolivia match.

Oman and Bhutan played an Asian Cup qualifier Tuesday, with Oman winning 14-0. This is about as bad a beatdown as you can get in soccer, and we spent some time thinking about what went through the minds of the losing team.

The 14 Stages Of Losing 14-0

1. Oh no! The other team has scored! We must try to score also and tie the game!

2. Ah well, 2-0 is the most dangerous lead in soccer. We can do this boys!

3. We can still come back. Stranger things have happened.