Humor

Lil Uzi Vert Releases ‘Futsal Shuffle 2020’ — A Song Entirely About Soccer

Last Friday, 25-year-old Philly native Lil Uzi Vert released the third single off his highly anticipated second studio album Eternal Atake. The song is entitled “Futsal Shuffle 2020,” which gives us more than enough loosely-based license to discuss it here at The18. 

MLS Teams Unveil 2020 Schedules In Wildly Different Ways

MLS teams released their 2020 schedules on Dec. 19, prompting a tidal wave of American soccer fans to come out of their caves.

The Los Angeles Galaxy were among those to naturally take to Twitter for the unveiling of their 2020 campaign. The Galaxy, however, took a different approach than your average hype video or link to tickets.

Chelsea Stars Test Their Focus While Playing New Pokémon Games (With Puppies!)

With the new Pokémon Sword and Shield games recent release, GAME brought in Chelsea Women stars Bethany England and Fran Kirby to go head to head in the game.

The English forwards were told they would be distracted while playing but the two did not think much of the light threat.

“Joe have said they’re going to try and distract us but I can’t see that happening,” England said. “We’re professional athletes.”

Buffalo Bills Celebrate Late INT With Soccer Penalty Kick Shootout

I don’t care much for the NFL. As a Texan by birth, I’m required to at least have a team (hint: it’s not the Cowboys), but other than that the Super Bowl is nothing more than an excuse to eat guacamole and queso.

But one thing caught my eye in the NFL on Sunday night as the Buffalo Bills beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 17-10 to clinch a playoff berth, just their second trip to the postseason this millennium. 

Manuel Neuer Is Inventing A New Position

During Bayern Munich’s 3-1 victory over Tottenham on Wednesday, Bayern goalkeeper Manuel Neuer recorded 66 touches, which was more than any Spurs player on the day (Kyle Walker-Peters was tops with 59). With 48 accurate passes, he also outperformed all Tottenham players in that category. Oh, and his pass success rate of 89 percent (48 of 54) was also better than Spurs' best (Moussa Sissoko hit on 85 percent).

Monaco’s Tiémoué Bakayoko Forgets Number During Match And Tries To Sub Himself Off

Look, we've all been there. We've accidentally walked into the wrong work cubicle after moving a few weeks prior, went to the wrong classroom after the start of a new semester or called our significant other by our ex's name (hopefully this one doesn't happen too often).

We become so used to doing something that we just do it on autopilot. That's what happened to the ever-confusing player that is Tiémoué Bakayoko on Saturday.

Once dubbed the future holding midfielder partner of N'Golo Kante at Chelsea, the French international is now on loan with Monaco for the season.

Portland Timbers Have Won Twitter And It Wasn’t Close

The Portland Timbers Twitter account has won the internet. Everyone else can delete all their social media apps from their phones because there won’t be anything better on there ever. 

After Netflix tried to be fun with a leading question seeking clever innuendo, the @TimbersFC admin came up with the best (worst?) reply of them all.

Baby Yoda Reacts To The 18 Best Goals Of The Decade

The 2010s has been a decade. I can’t say it was great nor will I say it was bad. It was 10 years and as I write this it’s almost over. 

In 10 years, the soccer world saw Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo absolutely dominate the Ballon d’Or, winning all but one since 2008. Real Madrid won a bunch of big-eared trophies, Spain finally won a World Cup and few teams played more beautifully than Barcelona. Perhaps most shocking, England actually fielded a decent team at a World Cup, but Liverpool still hasn’t won a Premier League title. 

CONMEBOL Absolutely Nails 2020 Copa América Mascot Selection

South American football is beloved worldwide for the passion and pageantry of its fans, the rhythm and technique of its players, the narratives and legends of its past and, of course, the good boys that frequently make their way onto the pitch and into our hearts.

Who can forget the time that dog made an incredible goal-line stop in the Argentine third tier? 

Edinson Cavani’s Dad Vandalizes His Property To Remind Him Of UCL Failure

Imagine you’re in Edinson Cavani’s shoes this morning, strolling around the streets outside the Bernabéu in search of that precious, caffeine-rich mate before tonight’s big Champions League encounter with Real Madrid.

You’re not in the best spirits. You’ve missed a good portion of the season through injury, and in your absence, that goddamn Mauro Icardi has scored 10 goals in 11 games to take your job. Now everyone wants to offer Icardi a permanent contract and is totally fine with yours expiring in the summer!

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