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Bastian Schweinsteiger Threw Out The First Pitch At A Cubs Game

The Chicago Fire finally have their superstar and are gladly showing him off around town. Bastian Schweinsteiger seems to be adjusting well to life in the Windy City: he’s scoring goals on the field, sitting courtside at Bulls games, and even threw out the first pitch for the Cubs at Wrigley Field Tuesday night. 

I’m guessing Schweinsteiger did not want to look foolish in front of the World Series champs, so he got some help from teammate Dax McCarty in preparation for his debut on the mound.

MLS Rankings Of Power: Week Eight

What a major weekend from the major soccer league — we were treated to it all. Andrea Pirlo, whose salary of $5.9 million is 35% of NYCFC’s total payroll, was benched because Patrick Vieira cited the need to have a midfielder with an animated body, New England threw away a three-goal lead against Seattle in 15 minutes and the Philadelphia Union are already mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.

Interactive Infographic Showing MLS Salary Breakdown By Team And Player Is Beautiful

Big ups to Steve Fenn (@StatHunting) for breaking down MLS wages by team and player in a brilliantly interactive infographic. You can get lost in this masterpiece for hours.

Landon Donovan Is Going To Make Swansea America’s Team, Like The Cowboys

Every club that’s had an extended run in the Premier League is a perfect example for the transitive property (If a=b and b=c, then a=c) that affects modern football: 

Zlatan Is In The U.S. To Meet With A Renowned Orthopedic Surgeon

Less than a week after suffering a torn ACL and possible damage to his PCL, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is scheduled to visit Dr. Freddie Fu at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. Dr. Fu is well known for pioneering the double bundle technique to repair ACL tears, the method that most effectively restores natural knee movement patterns.

MLS Deserves A Lot Of The Blame For Tim Howard's Suspension

Fans yelling at players, making obscene gestures and just being overall ridiculous in the stands...it's all a part of the culture of professional sports. It's the jelly to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it's just something that professionals and spectators have to accept.

MLS Rankings Of Power: Week Seven

We’re about a quarter of the way through the MLS regular season (some teams have played eight, some seven and some six, so who really knows) but can we safely say we’re a quarter of the way towards discovering the most oomph-inducing force in the majorest of major leagues? I think so, and, I’ve got to say, things are shaping up better than I ever could’ve imagined. 

Alex Morgan’s Lyon Thump Carli Lloyd’s Manchester City In Champions League Semis

Carli Lloyd’s Champions League ambitions may soon be at an end after Alex Morgan’s Lyon defeated Manchester City 3-1 in the first leg of their Champions League semifinal. City will now need to travel to the Parc Olympique Lyonnais on April 29 to overturn the large deficit.

City and Lloyd got off to the worst possible start in the opening minutes. An attempted Lyon cross was blocked in the box by Lloyd’s elbow, and the referee immediately pointed to the spot. 

Lady Asks Old Man To Take Photo Of Her With Fire Squad, Old Man Is Bastian Schweinsteiger

As the Chicago Fire arrived at the Toronto airport for their upcoming game against Toronto FC, one lady spotted the Fire squad. She then decided to ask Bastian Schweinsteiger if he would take a picture of her with the rest of the Fire players.

Thankfully for the soccer world, the Fire's assistant head coach Eric Gehrig was able to snap a picture of the scene.

What happened next is a picture worth a thousand words — and laughs. Plenty of laughs.

Gumby Hits A Banger From Too Far Out

If we had the resources, I would’ve recreated this goal in clay animation, but our clay animation studio is not finished yet. We are sending Sam Klomhaus out to procure clay so I can begin.

Marcel Schafer’s leg just reminds me of Gumby. I’ve never seen a leg move like that and not been sick to my stomach at the outcome. He’s got Gumby ligaments or ligaments like Street Fighter’s Dhalsim. 

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