Videos

Steven Gerrard would like for you to stay in school, because you probably won't make it as a professional footballer. 

Cristiano has released a fragrance. This is a surprising thing only because this is the first time Cristiano Ronaldo has released a fragrance. 

We were shocked when we found this out. We figured Cristiano releases fragrances with the same frequency that some of us release bowel movements after we have eaten Taco Bell.

Cristiano's fragrance is called "Legacy," and we have no idea why. We guess it's one of those fragrance names engineered by marketers that's meant to sound kind of cool but ultimately means nothing.

This guy knows how to take pride in the little things fairly long things.  

Bicycle kicks are good and also Eden Hazard is good. With that being said, the winner of this video is the person who added the music after Hazard hammered an overhead in Belgium training:

Pass. Bike. Score. Dance. I couldn’t ask for more out of a video.

Who do you think is better at kicking something, Carli Lloyd or Vince Wilfork?

The producers of HBO show "Hard Knocks" endeavored to find out the answer by having the World Cup Golden Ball winner take on the All-Pro defensive tackle in a friendly field goal-kicking contest. 

We won't spoil the ending, but we will say that Wilfork, who it can be assumed has far less kicking things experience than Lloyd impressed with his kicking things ablility.

We should have know this, though, because Vince Wilfork is always loose. He said so himself.

I can’t imagine what kind of frustrations referees have on a weekly basis: players are always giving them grief, managers always disagree and literally entire crowds end up hating them on a routine basis. If we are all supposed to fear the wrath of a quiet man, then a referee going off the deep end is just about the most terrifying thing I can imagine. And thanks to this La Liga official, I don’t have to imagine that hard anymore. 

Zlatan was asked by PSG TV what superpowers he wanted. His answer, because he is Zlatan, was "i already have them."

So, we must speculate on which superpowers Zlatan Ibrahimovic possesses. This should be fun.

So, it turns out that when Barcelona isn’t kicking out it’s youth prospects because of it’s shady dealings, those youth prospects have an absolute blast playing soccer. And who wouldn’t when, at the age of 11, you can already do cooler s*** on the pitch than the vast majority of the world? 

Cristiano Ronaldo is the boss. 

We already knew this, but we couldn't grasp just how boss Cristiano Ronaldo is. 

"How boss is he?"

Cristiano Ronaldo is so boss that he rides in the front of the plane when Portugal go places.

Not, like, the front seats of the plane. Cristiano Ronaldo is so boss he rides in the effing cockpit. And he tells the pilots where and how to fly the plane (probably).

And the pilots let him bring a friend. Cristiano Ronaldo is so boss he gets to ride in the cockpit and he gets a plus-one. 

We have never seen anything quite like this. The concentration involved in this video of a boy juggling a soccer ball while solving a Rubik's cube is simply staggering. 

And here we are having trouble patting our heads and rubbing our stomachs at the same time.

Seriously, someone give this kid a job. If he has the powers of concentration to do what he does in this video, he can surely revive America's stumbling economy or cure cancer or something. Child labor laws be damned, we are looking at the savior of humanity here. Or he's just a kid who can do a cool trick.