Videos

Prior to last weekend's La Liga opener, Gareth Bale was videotaped in slow motion scissor-kicking a soccer ball into a swimming pool.

This likely wasn't a Real Madrid-sanctioned practice activity, but it was still pretty cool. The fact that this is news serves as a reminder (like we needed one) that superstar footballers live wholly different lives than the rest of us.

Maybe he should have practiced scissor-kicking a ball into an actual soccer goal on an actual soccer field, given Real Madrid's 0-0 draw with newly-promoted Sporting Gijon to start the La Liga season.

Zlatan's full smartassery (a word we just made up) was on full display in this Bleacher Report video of Zlatan reading Zlatan facts.

For those unacquanited, Zlatan facts are akin to Chuck Norris facts (Zlatan beat the Mona Lisa in a staring competition, etc). Zlatan, it appears, is in on the joke, which makes the video even better.

The beginning of the video sets the tone: 

When Carlos Tevez announced to the world that he would be returning to Argentina last summer to play for his boyhood club, Boca Juniors, many were surprised. They didn’t understand. He was still just 31, they said, far too young for a man of his ability to walk away from Europe. He was arguably Juventus’ top player in his last season, and now he was going to a club and league in which he would fade into obscurity. 

Serious question: do you think you could do a dizzy penalty?

Gareth Bale couldn't do it.

Apparently this is a thing now. Players spin around and try and take a penalty and it's hilarious. We don't know why they would do this, but whatever. Minor details.

Look! Liverpool players tried it too! We learned that Joe Gomez is likely a better dizzy defender than a dizzy attacker, among other things.

If Arsenal have exhausted their summer budget and are forced to make some cuts to save money, they know where to find a pilot. 

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain may just be their best bet, as te took part in Arsenal's flight simulator challenge a few years ago.

Adidas just made a really cool commercial with Messi, but the commercial's intended message will shock you.

Don't worship Messi, make your own path. That's what Adidas wants. Adidas is sick and tired of people worshipping the athletes it pays untold millions of dollars for in exchange for those athletes endorsing Adidas's products, and Adidas can't take it anymore. 

Just watch:

Watch this video of a dog running onto the field during a professional game in Chile.

But first, read our scouting report on the dog.

The dog is deceptively fast with great movement and does a nice job finding pockets of space in between defenders. The dog seems to find itself in the right places at the right times. The dog has good vision and moves very well without the ball. Essentially, what we're dealing with here is the Thomas Muller of dogs.

Now watch the video.

Alan Gordon has a reputation for goals falling into his lap, but this is ridiculous. 

Miskick + nutmeg = goalkeeper nightmare. LA Galaxy up 2-0 on Comunicaciones on FS2. #SCCL #MLS http://t.co/WrTz2w4iwW

— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) August 19, 2015

When we were 12 years old, we were just satisfied with putting the ball in the back of the net, no matter how it happened. Honestly, we were six years away from playing soccer like bees play tag. In the rare instance that one of us scored something that took any amount of skill, we we’re f***ing pumped.

Sometimes you just gotta take it and run, whatever “it” may be, and that is what Michail Antonio did when he picked up the ball around midfield against Walsall. Only, instead of, you know, making himself look like a douche by running past one defender only to get shut down by the next, he went all the way and scored an absolutely brilliant goal.