England

The opening seven seconds of today’s Premier League fixture between Europa League hopefuls Watford and relegation-threatened Southampton DID NOT DISAPPOINT. A lot of supporters inside Vicarage Road hadn’t even made it to their seats by the time Shane Long opened the scoring for the Saints. Clocked at just seven seconds, it’s the fastest goal in Premier League history. 

The previous mark was held by Tottenham’s Ledley King, who scored with a deflected effort against Bradford back in 2000 inside 9.7 seconds. 

Monday featured yet another onslaught of goals in the early workings of a game in Europe. This time Chelsea and Burnley combined for four goals in the first 25 minutes of action at Stamford Bridge.

Both teams were looking for a much-needed win with Burnley fighting against relegation and Chelsea fighting for a top four spot. Ultimately, following a 2-2 draw, both teams got some help in their respective causes. For Burnley, the point all but secures the club's participation in the Premier League for a fourth straight season.  

During Monday’s Premier League matchup with Burnley, Chelsea winger Callum Hudson-Odoi was subbed off after an apparent foot injury in the first half. The 18-year-old phenom had to be helped off the field in the 42nd minute and was replaced by Pedro. Chelsea went on to draw 2-2 with Burnley as both teams went scoreless in the second half after a frantic opening 45 minutes.

After the game, Chelsea fans' worst fears were confirmed as the attacker said his Achilles was ruptured in a tweet.

Leeds United suffered a huge blow in its chase for automatic promotion to the Premier League this afternoon. After a season of dominant performances in the Championship, the business end of the campaign hasn't been so kind to the West Yorkshire giants.

It’s interesting to see how the media leans into stereotypes and known formulas of success — regardless of truth or sincerity in approach — to perpetually reinforce the confirmation bias of its readership.

For example, this past weekend Chelsea striker Gonzalo Higuain spoke about how criticism used to affect his personal life before he acquired a sense of perspective regarding his own career and the amount of importance that should be placed on chasing a ball around a large patch of grass.

In the wake of Manchester United’s Champions League exit, we were treated to a plethora of listicles analyzing who should be shown the door at Old Trafford. After today’s historic 4-0 defeat to Everton, it’s clear that a much easier question is simply who stays. 

The match was a masterclass in the various United shortcomings that’ve gripped the inter webs over the last year or two: How does the third-richest club in the world boast a center pairing of Chris Smalling and Phil Jones? Does Anthony Martial not give a shit to the point of constipation? Who is Fred?

A Harry Kane-less Tottenham got exactly what it needed in a 4-3 loss to Manchester City as the Spurs will advance to the UCL semifinals, 4-4 on aggregate by way of away goals.

The Spurs held a 1-0 advantage from the previous meeting back in London.

One of the wildest Champions League matches of all time had one of the wildest endings imaginable.

Tottenham Hotspur — and VAR — threw a wrench into Manchester City’s quest for an unprecedented quadruple on Wednesday at Etihad Stadium in Manchester. Spurs lost 4-3 on the day but advanced 4-4 on aggregate by way of away goals into the Champions League semifinals, where Ajax awaits. 

Hi. Do you like goals? Do you love watching defenses get picked apart by strikers at the top of their game or defenders just deciding to neglect their duties? Well, we’ve got the game for you. The Man City-Tottenham first half of their second-leg Champions League quarterfinal was absolutely bonkers.

Manchester United started brightly against Barcelona at the Camp Nou on Tuesday. Marcus Rashford was in on goal and nearly scored seconds into the match. 

And the Red Devils had a bit of fortune when the VAR overturned a penalty decision to keep the scores level.

Then Lionel Messi broke loose with two goals in four minutes, quickly making up for a quiet first leg in Manchester (after being bloodied by Chris Smalling).