Fails

Warning: please do not continue reading this article or scroll down if you do not want to see a gross soccer fan butt. Thank you.

Cristiano Ronaldo continued his run of good form Saturday against Alaves, scoring three goals in a 4-1 victory.

One Alaves fan wasn't impressed, or maybe was really super impressed, or not impressed at all with his side's defending, or just really hot, or hot for Cristiano Ronaldo, or really confused and didn't know what else to do.

We have hit another milestone in 2016 as 32-year-old New England Revolution striker Kei Kamara has become the first man, we assume, to receive a yellow card for twerking in the history of association football. This almost goes without saying, but he’s also the first former winner of the MLS Works Humanitarian of the Year award to receive a yellow card for twerking, a distinction that is unlikely to ever be replicated.

One of the major developments in the world of football over the past week has been the deployment of the “green card” in Italy’s Serie B to reward players for acts of virtue, including admitting to having taken a dive in order to win a penalty or free kick.

55-year-old Diego Maradona had to be restrained by security staff at Pope Francis’ “Match for Peace and Solidarity” after getting into a verbal altercation with Juan Sebastian Veron on Wednesday night.

Do me a favor, try to remember the last time you heard a Joey Barton story that was about his performance. You probably can’t because despite his long, above average career, he has gotten into trouble almost as often as he has scored goals; sometimes even managing to get into trouble when he was already under scrutiny for something else.