Fails

Face planting is literally one of the most simultaneously hilarious and embarrassing things for a human to do. It’s universal. Our faces allow us to interact and empathize like nothing else in the known universe, and when thenyend up flat against the ground with our feet 3 feet above and behind, you have no choice but to laugh or cringe. Case in point, this soccer player face plant.

Santos was playing in the first led of the final of the Copa do Brasil when Nilson found himself with a golden opportunity to score on an open net against Palmeiras. 

A missed opportunity is usually something that haunts you. You don’t want to think about it anymore, and really there is no point; you can’t reverse time and correct mistakes. This video, however, is something different. There’s a kind of wonder to be found in the greatest near misses compiled in it. They say that somethings are better left to the imagination, and I think that applies here in a unexpected way: we don’t know how great these goals would have been had the ball actually gone in, and that allows us to imagine them being something better than perhaps they really would be.

There’s a saying that goes, “to err is human; to forgive, divine." The 21st century brought an addition to that saying: to really screw up takes a computer. And, now, it seems soccer has added a fourth line to the party: to colossally f*** up takes a goalkeeper. We know this new addition to be true because of this footage of a goalkeeper nutmegging himself. Wrap your mind around that last sentence, and then watch this video of a goalkeeper nutmegging himself. 

Once in a long while you witness a ridiculous goal that captures the imagination with its stunning technique or simply vicious power. Rapid Wien's Philipp Schobesberger has provided us with a mesmerizing goal that defies all of those precedents. 

Greetings from the Dutch division, where a player ostensibly dies and play goes on as if he wasn’t there. That might sound like a bit of an over reaction but once you see Cas Peters of De Graafschap get cracked in the head by his own teammate’s shot, and see how his teammates end up playing harder once he’s down, you’ll understand. 

Innovation is a game changer. The ability to put forward an exceptional idea, a more effective process or a brilliant new device has always been synonymous with success in the soccer world. This can go the other way though, with the worst soccer innovations making clubs and players look extremely silly.

Whether that success is then measured on the pitch, in the television ratings or with regards to the club’s bottom line, the game’s movers and shakers are always looking for bigger and better solutions. 

Oh, goodness. Something bad happened here. This guy might be the worst teammate ever.

There's a phrase used in nearly every sport by nearly every coach at some point. That phrase is "head on a swivel." When someone tells you to keep your head on a swivel, that means you need to be more aware of your surroundings.

Li Jianbin did not have his head on a swivel here, as he went up to attempt a bicycle kick. 

These two guys make up the worst medics ever. They shouldn't even qualify as medics. They clearly don’t get it. They don’t even want to get it by the looks of it. They are medical help at a Greek second division game between Ergotelis and AE Larissa, and they — I mean come on, just look at them, they can’t even carry a stretcher. 

There’s something charming about a local soccer match. The stands are somewhat full. Everyone knows a good amount of everyone else. The sun is shining. Everyone’s hanging out — a game of soccer might break out sooner rather than later. And that’s no indictment to the quality of the teams in this next video. It just seems like they are participating in a very laid back game. Why do I think that, you ask? Well, considering at one point the soccer ball breaks a window, and no one, not even the couple who owns the window, makes a fuss about it, “laid back” is nothing if not appropriate. 

Robin van Persie used to be good at soccer. No really, he did. That, however, seems like a long time ago, especially after the events of this past weekend. It seems he has scored what looks at first glance to be an intentional own goal, but in reality, he’s just a pitiful fool. Not sure if that’s any better.