Funny

Clint Dempsey made a bad night worse for the Seattle Sounders Tuesday. The Sounders finished their US Open Cup match against the Portland Timbers with seven players thanks to an injury after they had used up all their subs, and three red cards. The last, and funniest, of these was given to Dempsey, who, while protesting a red card to a different Sounders player, took the referee's notebook and ripped it up. Although the ref was totally justified in red-carding Dempsey (who now might face a suspension for the incident, which is stupid), points for originality here for Clint.

It’s very, very rare that Messi is surprised by something on the pitch.

So you can imagine how I reacted to seeing him bring his hands up to his face in disbelief after having his shot saved. The fact that someone stopped his shot in the first place would have been surprising enough, but when I realized that that “someone” was actually a “something,” I was just as overcome as he was.

I have no idea what the machine is called, and I have no idea what I would name it. Messi Stopper 3000 sounds cheesy; Keeperly is too cliche.

Look, this happened in a U-14 game, which puts us squarely on the fence between feeling bad for a child making a mistake and laughing at him for not knowing the rules for penalty shootouts.

So, your choices for reactions are: that cocky little bastard got what he deserved, or someone give that kid a hug and a teddy bear.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

John Oliver made a promise to FIFA sponsors Adidas, McDonald's and Budweiser: if Sepp Blatter resigned, Oliver would wear a pair of ridiculous Adidas shoes, take a bite out of every item on the McDonald's dollar menu and drink a Bud Light Lime and say it was delicious. 

John Oliver, evidently, is a man of his word, because he did all of those things, even chugging the whole Bud Light Lime while the studio audience cheered him on.

Marrakesh, Morocco. - A recent charity match featured Dider Drogba, Karim Benzema, Samuel Eto’o, Marouane Fellaini, and Remy Cabella, all in an effort to raise money and awareness to protect the rights of children in Morocco to get them off streets and reintegrated into school systems.  

Zlatan Ibrahimovic's weekend was better than your weekend. 

Zlatan bagged a brace in Sweden's Euro 2016 qualifier against Montenegro. That's not unusual in and of itself. Well, for non-Zlatan persons it is. It's pretty standard for Ibra though.