Humor

The Bundesliga will be the first major European league to resume play starting Saturday, May 16. Fans of the league are nothing less than exhilarated to see its return. For those unfamiliar with the league or even the teams, don’t fear.

For a little background, the title chase is being closely contested between five clubs. If you’re unsure who to root for, this Americanized list of the Bundesliga’s top five teams will surely help.

The world is slowly returning to normalcy as businesses begin to reopen and football is sprouting again.

The Bundesliga aims to return May 16, and South Korea's K League will stream its opening match with English commentary on May 8. There will finally be games to watch on the weekend again.

With the K League and Bundesliga nearing their respective returns and players flocking to team training facilities across the world for individual exercise, what you see there is a glimmer of light breaking through the darkness. But as Samwise Gamgee once pondered, how can the world go back to the way it was when so much bad has happened?

There is nothing quite like the feeling of waking up early knowing you’re playing in a youth soccer tournament that day. It’s my favorite feeling. The night before I tediously set out each piece of my uniform next to my bed so I would be ready right away. I loathe waking up in the morning for school, but for soccer I can hardly sleep and rise before the sun does.

After piling my soccer bag and ball into the car, I am oblivious to the fact that my parents are wasting an entire tank of gas to drive to a tournament for which my coach randomly decided to sign the team up.

Most professional footballers adhere to strict regimens of training, eating, sleeping and playing. It’s a tried and true method to maintain peak fitness and focus throughout a long season. 

But this season has been anything but normal, and stay-at-home orders have not gone down well for many footballers who are unable to cope with the break in routine. So of course soccer players have been doing dumb shit during quarantine.

I’ll admit, I’m quite enjoying having an excuse to never leave my apartment. Whenever I’m not working, I’m happily passing the time playing video games, watching TV/movies and trying out new cocktail recipes. Sure there’s no soccer to watch, but otherwise life is just fine for introverts like myself. 

But there are moments when being under shelter-in-place orders are less than ideal, and I’m not talking about the combat in Final Fantasy 7 Remake, which simply isn’t fun. 

If you're close to or know anyone who's a Liverpool fan, please check in on them as April 27 is a traumatic calendar date.

Six years ago today, the Reds were in prime position to win the Premier League for the first time in 24 years. With three games left, Liverpool had it in the bag. The final big test was hosting Chelsea at Anfield, where Liverpool had been unstoppable.

Then came the moment that Reds fans suppress as much as possible: the Steven Gerrard slip.

Rather than filling the void, these massive FIFA tournaments that are being broadcast on Twitch, FS1 and Telemundo have only served to highlight what a godawful replacement eSports are for their real life equivalents. Put simply, they’re not that fun to watch.

I’ve also realized that there’s a direct correlation between being good at FIFA and being particularly boring — who really wants to see someone exploit the game’s META (Most Effective Tactics Available) bullshit time after time while looking like Manchester City on bath salts? 

Barcelona wasn’t always able to rebound after losing a first leg 4-0 like it did in 2017 against PSG.

Back on April 23, 2013, Bayern Munich stunned the world and dismantled Barcelona 4-0 in the first leg before securing a 3-0 win in the second leg. One of the most memorable moments of the 7-0 aggregate thrashing was Thomas Muller obliterating Jordi Alba with a pick that would be illegal even in basketball.

Muller’s pick on Alba is still one of the most savage moments in football history.

*Headphone users: Turn down your volume as the audio is quite loud*

On April 22, 2000, Marcelo Balboa scored the greatest goal in MLS history for the Colorado Rapids in Columbus. The Balboa bicycle kick is an iconic goal that won MLS Goal of the Year in 2000 and is still one of, if not the, best goals in league history.