Humor

Dear Football,

It has been nearly a month now since you left me. It felt like we were together for as long as I can remember, but suddenly you are no longer a part of my life. I write this letter to football to remind myself of all the fun times we had when we were united.

I think about you often. I remember waking up at god-awful-times in the morning just to see you. Now when I wake from my slumber on weekends I arise to an empty void without your presence. Our Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon Champions League rendezvous is a thing of the past.

Words can’t describe how I feel about the Belarusian Premier League. Trying to play through a pandemic is one thing but putting fake fans in the stadium to boost the atmosphere is a whole new low. FC Dynamo Brest does get some creativity points for how the club carried it out, but the Belarus mannequin situation is also pretty creepy.

Our fans from all over the world seem to be happy! Thanks for your support, guys! pic.twitter.com/wX4dCLDtUH

On the final day of 2019, The18 made the prediction that the new cringeworthy-yet-lovable social media app TikTok would be the future of soccer content. Somehow that is becoming the truth as with no sports being played soccer lovers are forced to find new ways to get their fix. If you’re new to TikTok and looking for content, here are the best TikTok soccer accounts to follow.

If you’re like me, this past month has been so goddamn awful for your fitness that you can only refuse to acknowledge anything. Without rec soccer and the gym, I’m half-man, half-beer. 

A few days ago I forced myself out on a run after being deeply troubled by an inner voice saying my time for running was now over — everything was just too exceedingly difficult to even contemplate doing, so don’t do it. That’s my mind without exercise. It’s a real bastard.

If your day has been lackluster or generally uneventful, the following 57 seconds will make everything better. We’ve seen cats play other roles on the pitch, we’ve even seen fish play soccer, but how many times have you seen a cat playing goalkeeper?

Seriously impressive pic.twitter.com/3uTtRg2Cvi

Former MK Dons player Sean O’Hanlon and his two sons are having plenty of fun remastering some of football’s most iconic goals during the shutdown. O’Hanlon tweeted out a video of his boys recreating the best goals of the century.

GOAL OF THE CENTURY. CHOOSE YOU’RE FAVOURITE GOAL! pic.twitter.com/wM2cvnrAgl

— Sean O'Hanlon (@sohanlon23) April 4, 2020

It appears as though scoring two goals to knock Liverpool out of the Champions League was not enough for Marcos Llorente. The Atlético Madrid striker had to add insult to injury.

Llorente recently posted a picture to his Instagram stories of one of his pugs, which it looks as though he has renamed Anfield after the site of his destruction of Liverpudlian hopes of a repeat European championship. 

Have you ever wondered how Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo compare at every single stage of their lives with regards to appearance (in this particular timeline, not in the one where we all have dorsal fins)? No? Then I’ve wasted my time.

But if you're interested, here are the two amigos aging at a disconcerting rate. With Ronaldo three years the senior, we’ll just have to wait and see how Messi's mid-30s play out. But don’t you worry, I’ll be diligently updating this photographic journey until I’m in the grave. 

Tanzanian assistant referee Frank Komba isn’t letting anything come between himself and his linesman duties. Komba — like most of us — is stuck inside his home and unable to officiate any matches. When games resume, he won’t be at all rusty thanks to his at-home training.

FIFA-qualified Assistant Referee Frank Komba is not letting self-isolation get in the way of his training pic.twitter.com/TpmbGG452g

The 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup quarterfinal aired again on March 28 so we could relive the excitement of the USWNT’s run. Becky Sauerbrunn joined in on @FoxSoccer to answer questions on Twitter, and she did not hold anything back about her teammates. Here are some of my faves:

12/10. As Sam told me after the tournament, "I felt like crying before every game." https://t.co/pJPfAw97MN