Lists

In case you haven’t seen all the obnoxious social media posts — like the one that probably brought you to this link — it’s Halloween. And while some of you have probably had your costume picked out since Nov. 1, 2018, most of you are probably still scrambling around to think of a costume for tonight or trying to think of reasons to stay inside, shut out all the lights and pretend you’re not home. So we’ve come up with some soccer-related last-minute Halloween costume ideas for you unimaginative, cheap and lazy folks out there (our prime audience, I’m sure).

I honestly wasn’t aware until today, but the Swedish Allsvenskan is making a pretty convincing argument concerning the best league in Europe. First, it came to my attention that with only one match day remaining in the 2019 season, three clubs — Djurgården, Malmö and Hammarby — still have legitimate aspirations of winning the title. 

We’re almost a third of the way through the 2019-20 European club season, giving us an ample enough sample size to analyze this year’s current statistics in a somewhat meaningful way. There’s one giant caveat to it all and that’s Lionel Messi’s restricted start to the campaign due to a calf strain followed by an abductor muscle injury. He’s only started three of Barcelona’s nine league games thus far, so he's yet to dominate every statistical category.

A new study has revealed the top earners on Instagram, and it’s time to drop everything and focus on becoming an influencer. We’ll also need to score 701 professional goals, get shredded, win five Ballon d’Ors and five Champions League crowns, but we’ll worry about that later. First, let’s just dream about taking home $975K for every sponsored post we throw out there.

If you were busy and couldn't catch the last seven months of the MLS season, here’s what you missed: LAFC and NYCFC crushed it, Cincinnati did the opposite and everyone else was more or less the same, which is why 60 percent of teams make the playoffs. You also missed some fiendishly good goals and saves.

Not to worry: MLS released its nominees for both the AT&T Goal of the Year and the Allstate Save of the Year on Wednesday. 

In today’s world of inundating social media feeds, labyrinthine methods of escapism and banging SoundCloud profiles, it’s not enough to throw a jersey on your club’s star player and expect to move units. You gotta get all the world’s most innovative brand specialists together and hit the people with something so profound that it’d seduce your dad quicker than Billie Eilish working the register at a Bass Pro Shop.