Men

When Harry Met Nicky

Nick Rimando looks like someone you'd want on your side in a bar fight. He's short for a goalie, but sturdy. He's friendly, gregarious even, but he gives off a subtle intensity, which loses its subtlety when he steps in front of a soccer goal. That's his territory, where he's made his living in MLS since 2000 with (now defunct) Miami Fusion, D.C. United and Real Salt Lake. At 36, he's an MLS lifer at this point. 

He Looks Like Your Average Unathletic Guy, But He Scores Like Messi

Nothing screams athletic ability like the Caucasian male. In his natural habitat, he is a thing to behold, wonder at, and pontificate greatly about with one’s peers. 

I’m sorry, I had to. I had to show that video in order to make you appreciate, in all seriousness, just how truly exceptional of a player Peter Beardsley was.  

Harry Kane's Long Walk

Harry begins signing autographs at the south end of Dick’s Sporting Goods Park. He does what looks like a TV interview first, then starts at the beginning of the throng of people lined up to take a picture of him or have him sign something. The crowd stretches from the southwest end of the stadium, where Harry is, to the middle of the north end, where Harry will be. Eventually.

Neymar Attempts To Kill It On The Dance Floor. Fails. Still Hangs Out With Dancers After.

Look, every person deserves a vacation. The stress of work can get to us all, especially when we fail horribly at something, like, I don’t know, the Brazilian National Team has for the entire past year. 

Zlatan Is Good At Basketball

PSG players, we are almost positive, are very athletic human beings. Soccer is a very demanding game that requires strength, agility and stamina, plus coordination and intelligence. They are good at soccer, as evidenced by the fact that they play for one of the best clubs in the world. They have dedicated their lives (so far) to soccer. And they should stick to it, because they are clearly not ready for other sports.

Miguel Herrera Reportedly Punched A Journalist In The Neck

Miguel "El Piojo" Herrera is the coach of the Mexican national team, but maybe not for much longer after reports surfaced that he punched TV Azteca commentator Christian Martinoli in the neck at the Philadelphia airport Sunday. 

Young Women Give Their Opinions On Gareth Bale. It Gets Ugly.

They say women are the taste makers of every generation. If that is true then maybe this video has something to do with why so many people took a metaphorical dump on Gareth Bale in the 2014/15 season. 

For anyone who follows Real Madrid, you’ll know that Bale was the greatest thing since sliced bread at Tottenham the year before he moved to Real Madrid, and for his first year at Madrid, that continued: he scored the game winning goal in the 2014 Champions League Final, and did this to Barcelona: 

Zlatan Forearm-Shivers John Terry In The Face

In a move we have dubbed "the flying Zlatan," Zlatan Ibrahimovic gave John Terry a forearm-shiver Saturday when PSG met up with Chelsea in the International Champions Cup.

There were claims that this was an elbow from Zlatan, but he clearly uses his forearm and not his elbow.

What could John Terry have done to provoke the wrath of Zlatan? 

Zlatan Wants To Move To MLS

Hold on to your hats, America. In the coming years, it looks like MLS is set to get a lot more Swedish. And awesome.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic told reporters Thursday that he would like to go to MLS at some point. The 33-year-old striker has one more year on his contract at Paris Saint-Germain.

He told Yahoo Sports:

Child Tells Suarez He's The Best, Suarez Says No, Messi Is.

Luis Suarez knows where his bread is buttered.

He was signing autographs when a young boy came up and said he was the best. Suarez, fully aware that the player who is actually the best wasn't traveling with Barcelona for that particular trip, felt the need to correct the lad.

Suarez is good, for sure, but Messi is the best.

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